The Evolution of a Superhero

Last night we had dinner with friends. Over the course of the evening the story of us, Mr. Awesome and I, came tumbling out. I love sharing our story because its unique and quirky and beautiful. Mr. Awesome feels a little awkward sharing our story because of the weird looks and general confusion that follows our opening line, "We never dated."

Its true. The condensed version of This Random Love Story is that Mr. Awesome and I met, became friends, became best friends then I moved three provinces away for school. When I had been gone for about three weeks he called me and said, "I think you should come home and we should get married."

I hung up the phone.

He called back. A month later I was on a plane heading home, we got engaged at the airport and eight months later we were married. Now, 16 years later we are married with three Wee Wonders. We are truly, madly, deeply in love with each other. We are partners in every sense of the word. He is first and still my best friend.

And he is a superhero.

I started calling him 'Mr. Awesome' one day when he was being anything but awesome. It was during my dark period. Sarcasm and snark were my crutches. I had been battered by Life for a couple of years. We had lost two babies, our house was falling down around us, I had some weird medical things going on and Mr. Awesome was recovering from brain damage after a fall off our roof. We were a mess. I was depressed and angry and nothing, NOTHING he did was right. So in a fit of sarcasm I called him 'Mr. Awesome.'

And then I called him that again and again. And then I called him 'Mr. Awesome' without any sarcasm in my tone. And then the weirdest thing started to happen, he started becoming awesome. For serious! Or he was awesome the whole time and I just didn't recognize it for what it was. Kind of like the chicken and the egg. Either way, he was awesome and I was calling it like I was seeing it.

Its been about 5 years since I first called him Mr. Awesome and this has been the best 5 years of our marriage. Coincidence? I don't think so. When I started focusing on the best parts of my partner, on the best parts of our life together my depression and anger began to lift. I no longer needed sarcasm and snark as my crutches. Instead I enveloped myself with joy and thankfulness for This One Life I get to live and This One Life became amazing.

Clearly, life still has challenges. I still had cancer and went through treatment. Mr. Awesome still does things that annoy me. My kids still disobey. I still make mistakes and disappoint people. Life still happens but I choose to celebrate the good and walk through the bad with as much grace and dignity as I can.

Seeing my life and the transformation that has occurred in each one of us when we chose to focus on the good and call what isn't as though it were has inspired me to carry this idea beyond This Random House. I have tried to look past the irritating behaviours of people in my world and focus on their strengths. I have tried to see beyond who they are to who they could be, who they want to be and you know what? My world is full of superheroes!

These capeless wonders are walking the halls of my schools, driving the streets of my town, sitting in the pews of my church. Magnificent people with joy and hope and kindness are everywhere!  People capable of super human feats of grace, generosity and forgiveness are everywhere I look. They are resilient, they are strong, they are beautiful ... but they are hidden in their everyday humanness.

You have to look through grace to see them, but they're there.

And so am I.

“Don't go on discussing what a good person should be. Just be one.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

The Art of Communication

What image comes to mind when you think of 'art'? Do you see a Monet or Di Vinci? A painting or a sculpture? Whatever the piece is, I'm sure its the beautiful, breath taking finished product that's in your mind's eye and not the chaotic artist's studio that the work of art came out of. Communication, especially communication in marriage, is very similar.

Mr. Awesome and I receive comments and compliments on our teamwork all the time. People see us respecting each other, valuing each other's opinions and supporting each other. What they don't see is the chaos that has lead up to the harmony, the hours of hashing things out so that we can be a team, the endless conversations that frame our respect. Last night, we stepped into the artist's studio, we made a mess but this morning we were able to enjoy our latest masterpiece.

That sounds so poetic and constructive and lovely, how I said that just now, but the truth is we had a heated discussion. An intense fellowship. A forceful conversation.

...

We argued.

Yes, its true ... This Random Mother and Mr. Awesome still argue. We often disagree and we don't always keep our cool during those times and last night was one where we broke all the rules, or very nearly broke all the rules.

During our first year of marriage we went to marriage counselling and a large part of the time we spent there was dedicated to learning how to communicate with each other and how to disagree with each other. We were given a few simple rules about how to argue and live to love another day. Over the last 15 years we've added to these rules from our own life experience and now we have some set boundaries on how to work out disagreements. This works for us. Usually. When we follow the rules.

It took us a while but we did get back on track last night and we were able to go to bed without anger and with a better understanding of what we each need from each other. The turning point in our argument was when we both started remembering the rules and returned to 'fighting fair'. So, if this helps someone, awesome, if not ... just chalk this up to more ramblings of a random woman. But here it goes ...

Rules of The Artist's Studio (aka How to Fight Fair)

1. Don't dive in after dark. We try very hard to stick to this one. We have realized over the years that nothing good comes out of bringing up an emotionally charged issue after a long day of working, parenting and spousing. Rarely is an emotional issue urgent, its usually something that pops up in your marriage time and again so its safest to table these issues to when both partners are not exhausted and more apt to say something less than constructive.

I get this is a tough one when you have kids because you're never alone until they're in bed but here's a few tips we've done through the years to stick to this rule. We call an 'Out of Bounds,' which is basically a grown up time out. We let the kids watch TV or a movie and we go to our room to talk. We also schedule lunches together while the kids are at school or for several years we had a standing 90 minute date once a week at the neighbourhood Starbucks. However you do it, carve out purposeful time when both people are alert and ready. Bedtime is not the time for heavy conversation.

2. Stay on topic. Admittedly, I have a hard time with this one because in my mind one thing leads into another and another but before you go off chasing rabbits to make your point remember what the issue is in this moment and stick to it. I've discovered that once I go off topic and start grasping at straws to build my case I make it nearly impossible to find common ground again. We have a saying in our house, "We all can't go to Crazytown, someone has to stay behind to show us the way back!" and I assure you, straying off topic during an argument is the first step toward Crazytown!

3. Know Your Purpose. Why are you arguing?

Do you genuinely disagree on a certain topic or incident or are you just being cranky and argumentative? Be honest.

Are you having this discussion to put your partner in their place, to prove how wrong they are or are you trying to communicate your perspective and your needs? Be honest.

Are you fighting to win or are you striving to make your relationship better, stronger, healthier? Be honest.

If you are just being cranky, are trying to put your partner in their place or are just plain going for the win stop talking. Exhale. Apologize. Move on.

If you genuinely disagree, are attempting to communicate your needs or are trying to improve communication in your relationship  stop talking and ask yourself if what you are saying is honest, respectful, necessary and affirming. If the answer is yes, then make sure your tone is communicating as loudly as your words. If the answer is no then revisit the purpose question.

4. Fight the flight. Maybe its just me, but whenever Mr. Awesome and I really get into it I would rather sleep on the floor of the garage than next to him and the very last thing I want to do is make gentle physical contact with him but this rule is an absolute for us. We do not sleep apart out of anger and if things are really getting emotional then one of us has to be the bigger person and reach out to the other. Hold a hand, rub a shoulder, something to bridge the gap.

We have found that if we reach out to each other physically during an argument that the whole situation deescalates. There is healing power in physical touch, there is an instant reminder of safety, friendship and family when your partner reaches out to hold your hand even though you're angry. Try it. Seriously.

5. Choose your weapons carefully. Words have power so we have a strict no name calling, no personal jabs, no tear down rule when we are in conflict. Absolutely none. Not ever. We're grown ups and like it or not we have to act like it. Even when we're mad.

So last night, things went off the rails for a while but in the end we remembered the rules, we remembered that we really do love each other, respect each other and want to create art with our lives. And like I said, art is created in the middle of mess and chaos but the artist always has the finished product in mind

So do I. And So does Mr. Awesome.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. -Ruth Bell Graham

The Art of Regrouping

So its going to be more like 51 Weeks of Giving or maybe 49 or even 46.

We've taken this week off ... no envelope opening, no questions no soul searching. This week we have called a 'hold' on our project. This week, in the midst of prayer lists scribbled on napkins, half finished fruit trees and the general chaos of our life, Mr. Awesome and I decided that we need to circle the wagons and tighten up the reigns ... or some kind of cowboy analogy.

These last couple of weeks have been particularly full of commitments and opportunities and while we've been busy committing and opportuning things have gone a little mental in This Random House.  Some things, important things (like hygiene and nourishment) have slipped trough the cracks. Our house looks like a hoarder's paradise and my book as been sorrowfully neglected. Its hard to have a home of peace when everything is in chaos.

So we stopped. Everything. Well, almost everything. We are still following through with our commitments but we've cut out all of the extra running around, the added stress of lessons and clubs, the rush of the school-activity-dinner-activity-bed circuit we often run. We are being still ... and getting organized.

This morning, I took the kids to school and came home. I didn't run errands, meet a friend for coffee or go prep for one of the commitments on my calendar. I came home and before I even allowed myself one sip of The Precious, I completed three tasks off my Massive To Do list. When I crossed them off the list I did two more, just for kicks.

Picking up the dirty socks from the front entry or vacuuming the dog hair off the couch isn't going to change The World but it will change my world. Most of the time I get so focused on The Big Picture, on volunteering, advocating and planning for the future that I gloss right over the here and the now. I forget the importance of towels in the bathroom, of clean underwear in dressers and milk in the fridge. I get so focused on growing character that I lose sight of the fact that my kids are growing up. Too fast.

Life will return to our normal soon enough. Lessons and clubs will go on and I will be back to my regular schedule of mayhem but it will be balanced with the things my family needs me to do. Recently, I heard a very wise woman, an international speaker and a mom to three boys say, "It would be a real shame if while I'm out planting in your garden, foxes were running loose in mine." So true. What is the point of all of the things I do in the community for my kids if I am not taking care of them at home? Who cares if I show up for recitals and school meetings if I am not present with them in our own house?

So, we are regrouping. We are cleaning, sorting, organizing. We are resting, laughing, being. We are together. We Are.

Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family.  Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.  ~Paul Pearshall

A Day in the Life of a Mom in a Van

So ... we're road tripping and sometimes just tripping out.

Yesterday during our drive through five states, I took a bunch of random pictures, mostly to keep myself amused but I'm going to share them with you. Enter this portal into the Random Boredom Verging on Craziness that is our Family Vacation Day Three.

Starting the day with Legos, American Girls and Flashlights, oh my!

Flowers??? In late November??? What???

Decisions, Decisions!

Apparently Maroon 5 has mastered the science of time travel,
the last time I saw a pay phone anywhere it was 1992!

And somehow they took me with them!!! Suddenly, I'm back in 1992!

Oh Tennessee ... please show me a Starbucks!
I've been looking for hours!

You looking for a Starbucks, too Jason?

Nashville delivers and so does Mr. Awesome ...
this is the best thing I've seen all day!

Terror on the airwaves ...
I don't even want to know what it'll do when it gets me!

Atlanta ... finally!

And that's the wonderful thing about family travel:  it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.  ~Dave Barry

Where's the music?

Whether its a meatball being nosed across a plate, a chick floating on a door while watching her boyfriend sink into the ocean or a vampire and a werewolf fighting over which monster gets the girl; whether sweet, tragic or melodramatic, romantic moments are always set to the most heart-breakingly beautiful music.

So imagine my surprise when I met and married Mr. Awesome and I didn't hear any music and my further surprise that real life romance rarely looks the way it does in movies!

Since we didn't have the traditional start to our relationship, there was very little romance to our courtship. We were friends, pals, buddies who fell for each other. There was no preening, wooing and impressing. There was just us; goofy, dorky, imperfect us. And yet somehow I still thought (hoped?) that once we were married, our life was going to be one gushy, romantic moment followed by another all set to Chicago tunes.

Not so much. And that's okay.

I've grown used to the rhythm of our life. I find comfort in the easy friendship and unadorned simplicity of our love ... It's us and that's magnificent.

Still, every now and then, I wonder what it would be like to live out one of those fantastically romantic movie moments. I wonder what it would be like to have Mr. Awesome fight off a bunch of ROUSes, be mostly dead for part of the day and yell 'as you wish' as he tumbled down the side of a hill.

Sigh.

I was in one of those missing-the-Hollywood-romance moods a couple of weeks ago when I attended a family movie night at our church with some friends. I was sitting with a friend of mine who is recently divorced and while we were chatting Mischief kicked over my coffeejuice mug and spilled The Precious.

I was very disappointed that my sweet hazelnutty goodness was gone but what was I going to do? We went back to our conversation and I didn't give my poor Precious another thought. About ten minutes later Mr. Awesome came strolling across the parking lot with a fresh coffeejuice for both me and my pal.

"Now that's romantic!" she said.

I looked at Mr. Awesome and in that moment I realized he is, and always has been my knight in shining armour, my dragon slayer, my mutt with the meatball. It's the million tiny things he does everyday that has built our love and created a life of true, honest to goodness romance.

He winked at me as he handed me my coffeejuice and I blushed like a school girl as my heart flip flopped and butterflies took flight inside my chest.

Yep, this is real romance.


This is true love - you think this happens every day?
~Westley, The Princess Bride

Mr. Mom ... Awesome!

Mr. Awesome has been off work since my surgery. We are fortunate that he works for a great company that offers amazing benefits and employee support and his coworkers have chipped in and helped out at every opportunity. This has afforded us three months to focus on nothing but our family and my health. Although I have a lot of good days I also have a lot of limitations on what I am able to do so Mr. Awesome has been picking up the slack.

In the months since my surgery he has taken over laundry, kitchen duty and house cleaning on top of his regular dad moments of bed times and bath times. I have helped when able but seriously, the bulk of this domestic machine is being run by The Mister. He has even become very efficient with grocery shopping and errand running.

He has handled all this like a champ and has found a certain amount of satisfaction from his new skill set. In fact, he gets a little annoyed when I help out; he says I mess with his system. And Heaven forbid I question his methods!

Last week I commented that he doesn't fold the towels like I did. I tried to explain that by folding the towels my way we can fit everything on the self. He then dragged me over to the linen closet and pointed out that 'his' way makes the towels less bulky and he, in fact, fit more towels per shelf. All right then.

He's not always right, though. I had to call in back up to settle a domestic dispute a couple of weeks ago. Not the cops, my pal, Erin who cleans our house once a week. Erin walked into a full blown domestic disturbance; Mr. Awesome and I were debating the dishwasher loading techniques. I told him that Tupperware can't go on the bottom rack and his mature and eloquent response was, "bologna!"  Erin tried to slip through the kitchen unnoticed but we trapped her and forced her to pick a side. I won!

Today takes the cake though. I was feeling pretty good this morning so I accompanied Mr. Awesome to the grocery store to pick up a few things. We were going up and down the aisle, debating the list he had made up and what brands and deals were available. I could tell my input was getting to The Mister. He was trying hard to not get annoyed with me and I was trying hard to annoy him; it is just that kind of day.

We made our way to the peanut butter aisle, a place of contention with Random Family. When it comes to peanut butter choices we are a family divided. Some like smooth, some prefer crunchy; some like Kraft, others want Skippy. We can never agree, so as we stood in front of the peanut butter choices I knew this was my moment to drive Mr. Awesome around the bend.

I picked up a jar of Kraft Crunchy, my brand and mix of choice, and put it in the cart. As he looked to see what I had dropped in there I stood in front of the Smooth choices, his preference. He scanned the shelves for his favourite, grumbling that he could only find the low sodium stuff. I stood there, smirking, telling him that I had read somewhere that Kraft wasn't making regular smooth peanut butter anymore because the demographic that eats smooth is so old that they need low sodium. Old people can't handle crunchy because of their dentures.

That was it; bringing up my favourite taunt completely undid him and Mr. Awesome had a wee melt down in the peanut butter aisle. I started to laugh and stepped away from the shelf. He swiped his favourite off the shelf, dropped it into the basket and stomped away in a huff. I followed behind, still laughing.

"After everything you're dealing with you are going to let a jar of peanut butter, and not very good peanut butter at that, get to you? That's what's going to be the cause of your undoing?"

He turned, looked me dead in the eye and said, "I have plans."

Now, hours later, I am twitchy and constantly checking my back because as my pal Debbie says, revenge is best served cold so in twenty years when something horrible happens to you, remember this moment.

Seriously, though, Mr. Awesome rocks my world and I couldn't imagine living this life with anyone else ... except for maybe Gerard Butler, but that's a whole other fantasy!

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

It Just Looks Easy

Yesterday, Mr. Awesome and I celebrated 14 years of wedded bliss, well probably more like 13 years and seven months of wedded bliss and five months of wedded tolerance. If I were to add up all the days he has annoyed me, mocked me and otherwise irritated me into a ranting frenzy, that's how the numbers would play, 13y 7m vs. 5m. I'd wager if he would add up his numbers using similar criteria they would be roughly the same. Not bad.

We spent our anniversary hanging out, volunteering at Dude's school and then hanging out some more. It was really low key and mellow but it was wonderful. We talked a little about our 14 years together but we spent much more time talking about our future, planning for what comes next. We talked about the dreams we have for ourselves, for our marriage and for our future. We talked about our kids and their futures and then we just talked. We talked for hours about everything and anything. We laughed, teased and debated. We shared opinions, insights and perspectives. We were silly, serious and completely engaged with each other. It was amazing!

I love that after 14 years of marriage and 16 years of friendship, we are never bored together. We never run out of things to say. We don't know everything about each other, we don't have it all figured out. Every time we talk I learn something new about how he thinks, what's important to him or his dreams for our family. I love that we talk about things, consult each other, pick each other's brains. We're a team.

Every once in a while people will comment on our relationship. They see us holding hands, chatting together or just hanging out and say how nice it must be to have such an easy relationship. We thank them for their kind words and then laugh. If our relationship is easy its only because we work at it. We make each other a priority and when we needed it, we got professional help.

Shortly after we got married we realised we were in big trouble. Although we didn't want to live without each other, we weren't sure that we could live with each other. Family pressures, immaturity and unrealistic expectations of marriage set us up for disappointment and lots of stress in the early months of our marriage. People who knew and loved us kept telling us how great marriage was and how this was the best time of our lives, all the while we were seriously thinking we had made the biggest mistake ever. We felt very alone and overwhelmed by the mess we were in.

One day, while at work, I broke down and told one of my colleagues that I was pretty sure Mr. Awesome and I weren't going to make it to our first anniversary. Two nights later she had us sitting down with her husband and working on our communication. Her husband was a pastor but not at our home church. In fact, we had never been to a service at his church or even met him before yet he spent one evening each week over the next four months meeting with us, talking with us, helping us.

He talked to us about realistic expectations, communication and problem solving. We discussed the importance of having a plan for our marriage, setting standards in our relationship and putting boundaries in place to protect our marriage. He invested a lot of time, energy and wisdom in us and I think it paid off.

Now 14 years later, we are still married, more in love and have more respect for each other than we ever thought possible. We are friends, lovers, partners and life mates. He is my lobster and I am his. We have three strange and wonderful children, a love and a life we are proud of and we know that this is only the beginning.

Every year, as we drink our anniversary slurpees, I give a toast and say a prayer of thanksgiving for Gerry and Sharon and for the time they took teaching us how to be married. We couldn't have done it without you, thank you!

Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. ~James C. Dobson

14 Years of Awesomeness

No Blog today ... I'm spending the day celebrating with Mr. Awesome.

Thanks for 14 years of love, friendship, encouragement and support. There is so much more I could say but I'd rather be spending time WITH Mr. Awesome today than writing about him.

"To love would be an awfully big adventure."

— J.M. Barrie

Choose Love

Over the weekend Mr. Awesome and I attended a wedding. I have known the bride since she was a wee lass. In fact, she was my flower girl when Mr. Awesome and I wed a hundred years ago. We met the Man of Her Dreams about five years ago when she was babysitting for us and shyly asked if she could have a 'friend' come babysit with her.

It has been an honour to watch these two sweet teens grow into a couple of mature, generous and kind adults. They have conducted their relationship with integrity and respect from the beginning, so much so that during their ceremony the church was filled with the joy, innocence and anticipation of saved love. The atmosphere they created by honouring each other, their parents and most of all, their faith was something to marvel.

At the wedding everyone at our table shared the story 'them,' how they came to be a couple. One couple dated for a couple of months before their engagement, wedding and whirlwind adventure into parenthood, another worked together for several of years and another met while volunteering at a camp. When it was our turn to share, Mr. Awesome and I just looked at each other and laughed. Our story always raises a few eyebrows. You see, the truth of the matter is, Mr. Awesome and I never dated.

We were friends, best friends. We had spent hours hanging out, sharing secrets, hopes and dreams. We told each other everything, all of our mistakes, failures and flub-ups. We got to know each other, the good and the bad, over the course of a year, without pretence, showing off or covering up the truth of all that we were. Knowing all that we did about each other, we loved each other in spite of, or because of, everything anyway.

About a year after we met, I was living in Vancouver and he was living in Winnipeg. We talked on the phone nearly everyday and wrote to each other (pre-email days) several times a week. After about two months of being apart he called and said he thought I should come home so we could get married. I hung up on him but he called back and a month later I was on a plane heading home to my old friend and new fiance.

Every time we tell our story people are in awe that we would marry someone we didn't even date. We get the same questions every time, How can you know a person you've never dated, what about physical attraction, what if you didn't have 'chemistry'? 

We believe that true, lasting love is a decision you make. It has little to do with the emotion of love, sure that might hook you in the beginning but is that enough to make you stay when life gets real and messy and complicated? For us, the basis of respect and affection that grew out of our friendship has been the backbone to our marriage. When things have been rough and Mr. Awesome has been less than awesome I have been able to look at him and know that somewhere in that mess of a human being is the friend that I love. He has been able to do the same with me in my less than stellar moments, too.

Real love is a decision you make everyday, no matter how your relationship began. Living with integrity, fidelity and respect for your partner is not something that you fall into, its a choice that you make. Just like you don't fall in love or out of love. You choose, moment by moment, who and how you love.

Mr. Awesome and I decide every day to love each other, to respect and honour the promise we made to each other nearly 14 years ago. We decide, in spite of our moods and emotions or the mood and emotions of our partner, to love, to protect and to be faithful to the heart of our friend ... our best friend.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

Last week was a blissful mental holiday for me. I did not look at the calender even once. I had no meetings to attend, no projects to work on (well, I probably should have been working on some ongoing projects but I didn't) and no volunteer hours to coordinate for the week. I slept in, hung out with the kids and generally did nothing. It was awesome!

But every awesome has its consequence.

Trying to get back into the regular routine this morning was like tyring to open a valve that had rusted over, the process was slow going and painful. The kids did not want to get out of bed and who could blame them? I pushed the snooze button three times this morning before I shoved Mr.Awesome out of bed (heeheehee) to get the kids ready for school. Just kidding, this was no feat for a mere amatuer!

It was a tag team effort that took master negotiating skills but we finally got everyone breakfasted, dressed and out the door for school. Once they were on their way, I exhaled and sat down at the kitchen table. I looked around the kitchen then wandered into the living room. I knew there was something that came next in my day but I couldn't put my finger on it. I forgot what came next in the routine so I went back to bed. BIG mistake!

Mr. Awesome returned home after dropping everyone off at school, coffeejuice in hand, and instead making me get out of bed and really start the day, he brought the coffee to me and climbed back into bed, too. There we wasted the better part of the morning watching Ellen and making false attempts at getting up and being productive. "After this segment I'm going to get up," and "oh, I should really get up and ..." were said at least a dozen times but neither of us budged for more than an hour.

We finally did get going and as I sat down to plan our meals for the next couple of weeks, make a grocery list, update my volunteer schedule and plan a few meetings for the next week or so the old familiar sense of responsibility and commitment came creeping upon me and chased my lovely slacker bliss away. Now instead of floating through an empty calm, the wheels in my brain are turning, picking up speed, and I once again feel the weight and excitement of a busy schedule, the places-to-go, people-to-talk-to buzz and the hum and whir of creative ideas bouncing around in my head. It's all coming back to me now and I'm looking forward to really getting back into the swing of things!

So, good bye old friend, Slacker Bliss, see you again ... in July!

The Things I Love About Them

Today is Family Love Day and as I am bustling around the house preparing for our traditional pink pancake supper I can't help but get a little mushy and maybe even a little weepy. Through out the morning as I have been running errands and cleaning up after a weekend of popcorn parties and general, messy laziness, I have been thinking about my people. I have been meditating on why I love them, the things about each one of them that is unique, and I have been falling in love with them all over again. I have come to the conclusion that I am very, very blessed.

I Love that being married to Mr. Awesome is like having a sleep over with a best friend who never has to go home, I love the way he 'gets' me, loves me and is my biggest fan. I love that he cries at the sappy parts in movies, that he melts when the kids crawl into his lap and that I am his favourite person. I love that he has a huge heart, shows compassion to the underdog and that he goes out of his way to teach the same values to our kids. I love that I get to live my life with a truly exceptional man, he is a devoted husband, an incredible father and the best person I know. He fills my world.

I Love that being Dude's Mom has taught me that being different is just code for being extraordinary. He has taught me what it really means to be brave, to persevere and to have self-confidence. He is the impossible made possible, he is logic and reason tied up with hope. He is wonder and independence, he goes left when everyone else goes right yet somehow his left is right. He is peace and joy and discovery. He is Christmas every day of the year. He makes my world go round.

I Love that being Crafty's mom has taught me that life is meant to be seen, experienced and savoured; not rushed. She is everything that is light and colourful and beautiful. She is giggles and flowers and hearts all woven together in the wings of a butterfly. She is art and music and laughter. She is an opera inside a vaudeville show. She is intelligence, grace, passion and wit. She is my dream come true, she is my little girl. She brings colour to my world.

  I Love that being Mischief's mom has taught me that there's no point in sweating the small stuff because it is all small stuff.  He is a mess-maker, a rainbow chaser, a stunt doer, a song singer, an inventor, a genius and a madman. He is Rhett Butler, Jack Sparrow, Superman, Survivorman and Yoda all wrapped up into one six year old. He is strength and love and laughter. He is wit and charm and cuddles. He is the height and depth and breadth of life. He turns my world upside down.

I Love that this life, these people have taught me about hope and dreams and the future. They have taught me to laugh at myself, dance in the rain and exhale slowly. They love me when I am unlovable. They pick me up when I fall. They forgive me before I ask for forgiveness. They believe in me. These are my people and I am crazy, silly, madly, deeply in love with them!

Love Day

February is a popular month. It is the month of Black History, Loius Riel Day and the global sensation of Nic-o-rama (aka my birthday). It is also the month we celebrate Valentine's Day. This is the day where once a year everyone goes crazy for pink and red hearts, stuffed animals and roses. This is the day you celebrate being part of a twosome by being worried that your lover will forget to love you properly. And if you are not part of a twosome you depress yourself by pondering your aloneness while you eat copious amounts of heart shaped chocolate. Happy Valentine's?

Or you take a healthier approach to this day and you broaden your scope of love.
I have never been a fan of Valentine's Day. It felt like a day when a lot of people were left feeling out of the loop. It seemed that for this one day if you were not part of a couple you were no one and to me that has never been an okay message to send. Not even for one day.

So the first year I was with Mr. Awesome I told him in no uncertain terms that I do not expect nor want any type of love fest on Valentine's Day. I do not need a grand gesture of love on February 14 because he loves me in a million small ways every day of the year. He went along with that, partly because he agreed with me and partly because it got him off the hook. Our ban on Valentine's Day lasted about three years and then I caved. I fell in love with a new man and everything changed.

The first Valentine's Day after Dude was born we celebrated Family Love Day. It wasn't anything we did intentionally or even officially, we were just so taken with this kid and this family-love that Valentine's Day became something totally different for us. That first year when Dude was 11 months old we celebrated the day with an extra long group cuddle in our bed, pancakes for breakfast and all the hugs and kisses the little man could handle. This tradition has carried on now for nine years. Every year we treat Valentine's Day like an anniversary for our family, a day when we love each other on purpose.

It is our hope that as our kids get older they will continue to see February 14 as a day to love the people who are important to them instead of only focusing on and seeking out romantic love. The world is full of broken hearted people who look past the true love in their lives, the love of friends and family, and focus only on the wisp of emotion they feel they are missing. They spend Valentine's Day, and many other random days throughout the year, feeling sad and lonely when they could be embracing the love that they have from the people who really matter in their lives.

One of our favourite movies is Love Actually. It is the story of the intertwining lives of people who are searching for love but it is not just about romantic love. In fact, one of our favourite scenes is where the washed up rock star realizes that the 'love of his life' is his manager, the man who has been with him through thick and thin, the man who is his best friend.

So Valentine's Day, for us, isn't about romance and 'proving' love, its about celebrating love, real, messy, everyday Love. Here's the opening scene from Love Actually ... one of the best truths about love I have ever seen.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03CTpRexb2o