They are My People,Too

Last Friday, Good Friday, we hauled our Wee Ones out of bed at the crack of dawn, bundled up and headed downtown for our own kind of Good Friday service. We spent just over an hour set up on Main Street, within eyesight of four different shelters, handing out coffee and muffins to whoever happened by. Nothing fancy, just a folding table, some snacks and teeth chattering smiles. We served about 60 people before we ran out of … well, everything. And each person we served changed us.

I was slightly terrified to do this thing. I felt that it was what we were supposed to do but I was still so nervous that I hardly slept the night before. All of my preconceived ideas, all my stereotypes, all my fears ran through my brain on a lightening fast loop all night. I put on a brave face in the morning as the kids excitedly chatted about who was going to do what job and what they were going to say to the people who stopped by the table. I put on a brave face but my stomach was in knots!

I said next to nothing on the drive downtown. I just watched Crafty in the review mirror as she carefully folded the 60 little notes of encouragement she wrote to hand out with the coffee and wondered if I was making a HUGE mistake. What if someone violent came by? What of we were asked for money? What if someone approached our kids inappropriately? What if? What if? What if?

I had a dozen reasonable concerns and a million unreasonable ones swirling through my brain as we pulled up to our pre-scouted spot. We weren't even out of the van when we were approached by a couple of men, asking if we were lost. We told them that we were exactly where we meant to be and that we had coffee and muffins to share. And that's when all of my fears and stereotypes were turned upside down.

These guys waited patiently for us to set up and chatted with us for a bit after we handed them their coffee. They spread the word to a few other fellas who were taking shelter in a doorway and soon we had line going. As we poured and joked and chatted, I felt like an idiot -  a middle class, white, privileged idiot. I forgot the most important thing while I was obsessing over my fears. We were planning on serving people. Not Homeless. Not Street. Not Underprivileged. We were serving PEOPLE. Just people. Just regular folks who laugh and love and care and live. People who have their own community, their own culture, their own sense of family and belonging with each other.

And they accepted us. Just as we came. How beautiful is that?!

One older gentleman stood and talked with Dude about school and music. A beautiful woman, dressed like Rainbow Bright, complimented Crafty on her hair and jacket. A jovial middle age man teased Joyboy about his broken foot. Several people took coffee for themselves and came back for coffee and muffins for their wheelchair bound friends who were parked across the street. One man noticed we were running low on sugar so he searched through his pockets for packets he had been saving up and he left them on the table for others who might need. Another man took and apple but left a banana, "for someone in need" then he whistled a happy tune as he ambled away in his duct taped shoes.

Time and time again we saw humanity, care and pride from the people we came to serve. They asked us about our lives, thanked us for showing up on a day when almost everything within walking distance was closed and blessed us for our generosity. I stood there humbled because, in truth, we were the ones being served.

Each person who stopped by the table served us joy, hope, compassion, dignity and grace. They gave us humour and acceptance. They offered us a glimpse into contentment and thankfulness. They left us with overflowing hearts and a burning desire to do more, to return to this spot so we can know them better.

Yesterday I drove by the corner where we served and were served and I saw a few familiar faces. I saw the man who took six sugars in his coffee, the man who joked with Dude about being a casanova, the woman who brought her friend to the table just to show her people cared. I saw them. I recognized them. They are my people, too. They are the ones I think of, pray for and hope for as I crawl into my safe and warm bed each night. They are the ones that come to mind when I see the weather report each morning. They are the ones I hope to know better as we continue to think of ways to connect and be helpful.

Yes, they are addicts, homeless, poor and abusers. But so are we. Yes, they have made horrible decisions, led lives of disappointment and destruction and have alienated so many people who have tried to help. But so have we. Sure, they are dirty, smelly, unkempt and unhealthy. But so are we. They are a broken, used up, desperate people. And so are we. Our brokenness, our filth, our bad habits didn't stop them from accepting us, from being kind to us, from welcoming us into their space. So why does their mess stop us?

That's what I've been asking myself every day for the last week. Jesus died for me and he died for them. Their sin is not greater than mine. My heart is no more worth saving than theirs. There is no difference but the difference I invent.

These are my people. And I am theirs.

I will invite myself into their space again soon. We will bring the treats and receive their welcome. We will spend more time chatting and less time fearing. We will open our hearts wide and let their acceptance be an example to us. We will love and care and share … and so will they.


“Love is not patronizing and charity isn't about pity, it is about love. Charity and love are the same -- with charity you give love, so don't just give money but reach out your hand instead.” 
― Mother Teresa

What to Expect ...

I have a few friends who have recently become mothers. They were so cute during their pregnancy with their little pregnant bellies and their trendy maternity clothes. They oohed and aahed over their chic diaper bags that coordinate with their ergonomically correct strollers which are a perfect compliment to their swanky infant sling that has some kind of unpronounacable european name. They went to prenatal classes, pre-joined mommy groups, studied infant massage and read up on what to expect once they had baby in hand. Boy, did they read!

They bought books, read blogs, googled and googled some more. They became experts on what to expect but, seriously, they had no idea what they were in for! Even now, months later, with countless sleepless nights, innumerable puke stains on their strollers and a funky smell inexplicably coming from their once beautiful diaper bag, they still have no concept of what this motherhood journey is really all about. And those of us with tweens and teens laugh at them. And those with older teens and young adults laugh at us.

As I look back over my nearly 14 years of motherhood, one thing has become glaringly obvious; those first few years, the years I had studied for, planned for and read up on, those years were the easiest years of this journey ... the easiest by far. I am, by no means, discounting the adjustment, the stress and the feeling of utter inadequacy that new motherhood brings. I remember well struggling through colicky nights and unexplained fevers and rashes. And I also remember the moment by moment decision to just keep moving forward even though post partum depression was calling me to a dark, isolated place. I remember. I remember.

But what I've come to realize is that there were aspects of those days that were so easy. It was easy to create a bubble in my home. It was easy to pretend the world outside of our four, finger printed walls didn't exist. It was easy to be the gatekeeper of who and what affected our lives. Caillou was annoying so we didn't watch it, Raffi's songs gave me a headache so we didn't listen to them. Veggie Tales made us laugh so we sang those songs. Colouring was fun but play-doh was messy so we spent hours colouring and the giant box of play-doh collected dust on the shelf. Nothing existed in our world that we did not allow in.

Then came Kindergarten and everything changed. Our Wee People began to mix with other Wee People. And they learned from each other. Most of it good but some of it not so good. And that exchange of information went both ways. Fast forward a few years and you'll find me longing for simpler days.

Sure, I'm still dealing with funky smells but this time they are coming from my teen age son's room and not the diaper bag. But more than that, we're dealing with influences that can't be easily shut off or turned down. Our everyday life is filled with the unexpected, and mostly unwanted, drama that occurs when you pile 500 hormonal, impulsive teens and tweens into a building for seven hours a day, five days a week and expect them to learn.

So, to my pals with infants and toddlers, I'm going to pass along some wisdom that a few of my friends who are further along in their motherhood journey passed along to me ...

What to Expect After You've Expected

~Develop a good poker face.
     Your kids will say shocking things, do shocking things and ask shocking questions and like the old commercial says, "never let them see you sweat." Whether your kid is saying and doing to shock you or they are coming to you, looking for answers, with genuine curiosity don't let your shock/horror/confusion/panic show. Keep your wits about you and at least appear to be stoic. Keeping your emotions in check will keep the door open to future conversations. If you don't wig out, your kid is more likely to come to you first when they need advice, information or a soft place to land.

~Be honest.
    If you don't know the answer, it's okay to say you don't know. If your feelings are hurt, it's okay to tell your kid. If you're having a tough day, it's okay to let them know. Your kids don't need all the details to your life's struggles but they do need to know that disappointments, hurts and ...well, life ... happens to us all. They need to see that you can come back from a rough day, that you can be appropriate in your anger, that you can grieve, forgive and make mistakes without it being fatal.

~Being good is good enough.
     One of the best, and most freeing, things ever told to me was that I didn't need to be an exceptional mom to raise exceptional kids, I just needed to be a good mom. As moms, we can easily stress ourselves out, trying to keep up with what we perceive other moms are doing. All you need is five minutes on pinterest to convince yourself that you are an inadequate parent because you don't make baby food from scratch, you aren't 'going paleo' and you bought valentines instead of hand making them. We set unreasonable expectations for ourselves and then flog ourselves when we don't meet them. Your kids don't need the world's best mom, they just need you ... you are good enough.

~Be intentional
     If you want your kid to know something, you are actually going to have to teach them ... repeatedly. When your Wee Babe was first learning how to walk you didn't talk to them about it once, help them to stand once and then expect them to know what they were doing from that point on. You let them see you walking. You held their hand as they walked. You caught them when they stumbled and you helped them to stand again. You walked along side them. You called them to come to you. And you celebrated when they finally could walk on their own. You understood that it was a process. You understood that in order to teach your baby to walk you were going to have to model, practice, coach and be intentional with them. That process never stops. Anything that's really important, anything that is worth teaching your kids, is going to be a process. You are going to have to be purposeful when you teach them to persevere, to be selfless, to be brave, to be authentic, to be kind. You are going to have to walk them through with baby steps. You are going to have to be patient. You are going to have to be intentional.

I'm sure there's more to this sequel of What to expect but these are the chapters I'm stuck on. These are the ones I have to read over and over again before they truly sink in. These are the ones I study so that I can make it through this phase of motherhood. These are the lessons my children are teaching me. And, as hard as they are to learn, I thank my kids for having the patience to teach them to me.

There's no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.
~Vic, What to Expect When You're Expecting

Boomerang Love

So, last night it started.

At about 10pm my Facebook feed was flooded by lonely and disappointed people. It wasn't even Valentine's Day yet but scads of people were already anticipating how lonely and lost they were going to feel today. Most of the people cyber-sighing about their aloneness aren't hermits, living in their mother's basements. They are intelligent, loving and caring people who don't have that one person who thinks the sun rises and sets for them ... they have dozens of people who are thankful for the love and relationship they bring into the world.

After reading about a dozen different statuses full of lamenting and disappointment I posted this.

I tried to be as nice as I could but in truth, I was pretty frustrated. I couldn't believe so many people were so willing to overlook the love they have in their life because of the love they don't have. They were so focused on their own sense of loss that they couldn't see how their love, the love they give, is filling a hole in someone else's life. They were missing the point, love is not about how much you get, but how much you give.

The most satisfied and fulfilled I've ever felt in my life are the times when I have reached beyond myself to love someone else. I didn't wait until I felt loved and appreciated to give love. I just acted without thinking of myself and every time, without fail, I have received love in return. When I have set aside my own needs, wants and comfort and offered love and affection to someone else I have been rewarded with the same ... in spades!

A while back I was talking to a friend about the importance of leading through encouragement. She said it is impossible to give what you've never received but I don't buy that. I see examples of people giving generously from where they've never received all the time.

My Dad never knew his father therefore he has never known the protection, guidance and love of a dad yet he has always given those things freely, generously and constantly my whole life. I have a friend who was an only child, never knowing the love, companionship and mentorship of being a brother yet every week he is a Big Brother. He gives his time, wisdom and brotherly love without restraint. I know a lady who was an orphan. She never had a family of her own, never married, never had children yet she is mother and grandmother to many in her church and community. She pours out family love to everyone who has the privilege of knowing her. These people, and dozens more, prove to me that you don't have to get in order to give. And that most often you get once you've given.

Today, I challenge you to give love. Think of someone who you can love on with a note, a treat or a cup of coffee. Focus on giving love and not on getting and I promise you, you'll get exactly what you've been looking for because love is a boomerang. Once you toss it out there, it doesn't take long before it comes back to you at full force!

Love beyond yourself. Love. Love. Love.

The love we give away is the only love we keep.
~Elbert Hubbard

Love Day for All

"Its a kissing day."

That was Mischief's response when I asked him about Valentine's Day.

"What if you don't have anyone to kiss?" I asked.

"Then you're lucky. Kissing is gross. And weird. And germy," replied Crafty. (keep thinking that for at least 50 years, Girl!)

Valentine's Day has long been a point of irritation for me and I have ranted on several occasions about it (here in 2012 and here in 2011) and this year is no different. It irks me that once a year people are left hoping, expecting, wishing and lamenting about their love life because some marketing genius decided that love is a hot commodity. Once a year, women fret about whether their lover (if they even have one) is going to love them to their set expectations and men sweat it out in jewellery stores and flower shops, spending scads of cash in hopes of reinforcing their affection. Ridiculous!

A friend recently said it perfectly, "If you need Valentine's Day to remind you to love your loved one, you've got problems no chocolate heart will ever fix!"

So its with that thought in mind, as I bask in the security of Mr. Awesome's love all 365 days this year, that we are preparing to celebrate our 12th annual Family Love Day. The streamers are hung, the love notes are written and the red food colouring has been bought. In the morning, the kids will wake to a red and white kitchen, strewn with hearts and ample opportunity to express, to each other, just how awesome it is to be part of This Random Family.

Aside from all the Family Love this year, we've been talking to our kids about finding a way to love those who are tough to love. As part of our 52 Weeks of Giving Challenge the kids have been praying for their own personal Unlovelies but today, Dude of all people, put that love into action.

Since the beginning of the school year Dude has been having a tough time with this kid, David. Dude and David have clashed on nearly a daily basis with things coming to a head last week when David took a swing at Dude and Dude gave David a swift boot. After that incident we talked several times about being a peacemaker and finding a better way to express anger. Even after talking with me, the vice-principal and the guidance councillor I didn't think we were making much headway ... until today.

Today, Dude came running out of the school at the end of the day. As he jumped into the jeep he flashed me a huge grin and declared, "I did it!"

"Did what?" I asked.

"I talked with David and we've decided to be friends."

"Really?"

"Yeah. We talked and I agreed to not threaten him and he agreed to not say everything that comes into his brain. And absolutely no more punching and kicking. We went around and told all the important teachers."

I didn't want to badger him, so I just congratulated him on making a good choice and being a peacemaker. I'm dying to ask him how and why and when and who helped and a million other things but I won't. My prayer for my kids is always that they will take the lessons we try to teach and the conversations we have and make them their own, find a way to live them out in their world. Because of that, I'll just have to settle for not knowing the details and just celebrate the moment with my beautiful, compassionate, growing boy!

Tomorrow, however you choose to celebrate, be sure to love an Unlovely or a Lonely or a Random Stranger. Give your smile freely. Offer words of encouragement. Notice people, really, really see them. And love lavishly!

"Life is messy. Love is messier." – Catch and Release

Thanksgiving Days

Yesterday was Thanksgiving where we were but not where we're from. Our Canadian Thanksgiving was in October but yesterday we were in Atlanta and it was American Thanksgiving.

I usually like to spend American Thanksgiving huddled up under a cozy blanket with a steaming cup of coffeejuice (yeah, I know ... sounds like how I like to spend most days!) while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I love the floats, Broadway numbers and gigantic balloons. I love listening to Al Roker smile-talk his way through 8 hours of parade commentary. I love watching singers lip sync the same song over and over as they hold on to their lurching float for dear life. I love watching the high school band geeks get their moment to shine. I love the whole thing and look forward to it each year.

That's what I usually do but this year I did the unusual. This year we went to the Georgia Aquarium, hung out at Olympic Park and then went out for dinner at a classic Atlanta restaurant. We mixed with the thankful throngs this year and it was unusual.

It felt odd at first being wished all kinds of happiness on day that was just an ordinary day for us. During our four block walk from our hotel to the aquarium random people on the street wished us Happy Thanksgiving. The homeless woman, wrapped in her sleeping bag on a bench, wished us Happy Thanksgiving. The Arab family who let us go in front of them in line wished us a Happy Thanksgiving. The mom who we gave our table to at the cafe wished us a Happy Thanksgiving as she balanced a tray stacked with juice and cupcakes while managing her three little girls. The older gentleman, with the killer smile, who served us at the restaurant wished us a Happy Thanksgiving.

Like I said, at first these greetings seemed odd to us. It wasn't our Thanksgiving, after all, we were outsiders, foreigners, separate from all this thankfulness. But with each wish of merriment in that sweet southern drawl the distance between us and them decreased. Each time a stranger smiled at us and bade us happiness we felt a little less like strangers and a little more like neighbours.

When we returned to our hotel, the valet driver said to Mischief, "I hope you had a great Thanksgiving little man." Mischief just smiled and nodded but when we were in the elevator he said to me, "Mom, this was great! It was just an ordinary day for us but everyone was so nice to us!"

"This day made my heart happy. Everyone was so friendly. I felt like I was really a part of this city!" Dude added.

They were right. I can't remember the last time I felt so connected to so many random strangers and all it took were smiles and wishes of joy. Both free and painless to give. Both priceless and precious to receive.

What if we made every day Thanksgiving day? What if we started each day being thankful for the blessings in our lives and wishes others we encounter happiness? What if we treated random people on the street more like neighbours? What if opened our hearts to the goodness in others and shared our own goodness freely?

If we lived every day like it was Thanksgiving Day there would be so much more to be thankful for!

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

A Day in the Life of a Mom in a Van

So ... we're road tripping and sometimes just tripping out.

Yesterday during our drive through five states, I took a bunch of random pictures, mostly to keep myself amused but I'm going to share them with you. Enter this portal into the Random Boredom Verging on Craziness that is our Family Vacation Day Three.

Starting the day with Legos, American Girls and Flashlights, oh my!

Flowers??? In late November??? What???

Decisions, Decisions!

Apparently Maroon 5 has mastered the science of time travel,
the last time I saw a pay phone anywhere it was 1992!

And somehow they took me with them!!! Suddenly, I'm back in 1992!

Oh Tennessee ... please show me a Starbucks!
I've been looking for hours!

You looking for a Starbucks, too Jason?

Nashville delivers and so does Mr. Awesome ...
this is the best thing I've seen all day!

Terror on the airwaves ...
I don't even want to know what it'll do when it gets me!

Atlanta ... finally!

And that's the wonderful thing about family travel:  it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.  ~Dave Barry

Family Love Day - Revisited

This is a blog post that I wrote a couple of years ago and I'm reposting it today because there is nothing else for me to say about today ... today has been made a day to celebrate love yet way too many people are left feeling less than on days like this. That's not okay.

Today is Family Love Day in This Random House ... here's why.

Love Day

Today is Valentine's Day. The day where once a year everyone goes crazy for pink and red hearts, stuffed animals and roses. This is the day you celebrate being part of a twosome by being worried that your lover will forget to love you properly. And if you are not part of a twosome you depress yourself by pondering your aloneness while you eat copious amounts of heart shaped chocolate. Happy Valentine's?

Or you take a healthier approach to this day and you broaden your scope of love.

I have never been a fan of Valentine's Day. It felt like a day when a lot of people were left feeling out of the loop. It seemed that for this one day if you were not part of a couple you were no one and to me that has never been an okay message to send. Not even for one day.

So the first year I was with Mr. Awesome I told him in no uncertain terms that I do not expect nor want any type of love fest on Valentine's Day. I do not need a grand gesture of love on February 14 because he loves me in a million small ways every day of the year. He went along with that, partly because he agreed with me and partly because it got him off the hook. Our ban on Valentine's Day lasted about three years and then I caved. I fell in love with a new man and everything changed.

The first Valentine's Day after Dude was born we celebrated Family Love Day. It wasn't anything we did intentionally, we were just so taken with this kid and this family love that Valentine's Day became something totally different for us. That first year when our wee pudger was 11 months old we celebrated the day with an extra long group cuddle in our bed, pancakes for breakfast and all the hugs and kisses Dude could handle. This tradition has carried on since then. Every year we treat Valentine's Day like an anniversary for our family, a day when we love each other on purpose.

This year as we prepared for today I began to think about what this day means for our kids now and what it could mean to them in the future. Right now they are all pretty young and they see Family Love Day as a day to get some chocolate and a little gift. A day when we make a point of saying 'I love you' to each other and spend time just being together. Its not about being a couple, its about being a family.

It is our hope that as our kids get older they will continue to see February 14 as a day to love the people who are important to them instead of focusing on and seeking out romantic love. We hope that we are teaching them to be content with themselves just the way God made them. That they are enough and whole and complete on their own and that when the time is right God will help them to find another whole and complete person to make a life with...if that's what they desire.

And I'll say the same to you.

Today and every day, you are perfect and complete. You have gifts and talents and abilities that make you the treasure that you are. You are love and goodness and kindness. You are everything you need to be and everyday you are become more. Celebrate that. Celebrate you.

Today is Family Love Day ... anyone you love is family ... love everyone.
~Some Random Mother

The Great Costume Hunt of '11

I really shouldn't be writing this right now. I should be sewing and cutting and gluing and glittering ... Halloween is only a few days away and we are SO not ready.

Just like every other year we began talking costumes in September. By the beginning of October everyone had settled on something; a vampire, a princess and a Batman ... easy. Last week everyone began having second thoughts.

Crafty wanted to be Princess Tiana from Princess and the Frog but we were having trouble finding a suitable costume so she switched to Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. That was great because we already have that costume. The she changed her mind again and wanted to be an angel. Okay, fine, be an angel. I can work with that.

Dude had his heart set on being Vladimir Tod from Heather Brewer's books The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod. Great! All we need is a pale face, dark floppy hair, a pair of chucks and a set of fangs. Perfect! Not so perfect. Dude really wanted to wear a smiley face hoodie (from the book cover) but we had trouble getting it delivered to Canada in time so he decided not to be Vlad this year. He thought about Indiana Jones, Will Turner or a Mad Scientist but finally settled on King Arthur.

Mischief wanted to be Batman, he always wants to be Batman until the night he decided to be Jackie Chan. I sat there looking at my 7 year old, so-pale-he's-almost-translucent son and wondered how to turn him into a 57 year old Chinese martial arts master. His Jackie Chan dreams lasted for a couple of days and then the weather turned cold and his eyes turned toward his very fuzzy warm Wild Thing costume. On his way to find his Wild Thing costume he was distracted by the Jedi costume so now he's going to be a Jedi.

Yesh!

That still leaves me to find an angel and a knight so I headed out to Walmart. As I was wading through a sea of Tron, Iron Man, Tinker Belle and Lady Gaga (yeah, that's right ... there's Lady Gaga costumes out there) costumes I realized that the world is a crazy place. if my kids wanted to be zombies, psychopathic murderers, devils, ghouls or 'trashy' anything finding a costume would be super easy but trying to find costumes that depict positive characters and fully cover my 9 year old daughter's body seems like a nearly impossible task ... especially if I don't want to pay a fortune for a costume that won't even last the night.

So back to sewing and gluing ....

Happy Costume and Candy day!
Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story. ~Mason Cooley

10 Undeniable Truths of Summer Break

As Summer Break draws to a close I have learned a few undeniable truths about kids and summer and survival ... Can you identify?

1.   You can schedule twelve hours of activities for six consecutive days for the kids but when you take the seventh day off as a home day they will whine about how 'Its so boring' and 'We never do anything fun!'

2.   You can spend an hour setting up the sprinkler, finding towels and bathing suits and slathering sunscreen on the kids and they will still only spend 10 minutes playing in the water before they get cold and hungry and want to do a craft/watch a movie/go to the park...

3.   The kids will never remember that you said Wednesday is room cleaning day but they will always remember that Thursday is ice cream day.

4.   9 out of 10 times, at their insistence,  you will drag every inflatable beach toy, sand toy and water gun the kids own down to the beach and they will play with rocks and sticks instead.

5.   Letting the kids stay up late so they will sleep in the next day never works ... they will still wake up early the next morning and they will be grouchy to boot!

6.   At some point in mid July you will start to pass summer grime on your kids feet off as a suntan.

7.   At some point in late July a run through the sprinkler or a dip in the lake will pass for a bath/shower for your kids.

8.   The same stack of books you wanted to read in June will still be there in September ... waiting to be read.

9.   It is an unreasonable expectation to think a six year old boy will voluntarily wear underwear during the summer months.

10.   As desperate as you are for school to start so the fighting and whining will stop, you will still feel a little sad to turn the calendar over to September.


Thanks kids for the great summer of beach days, long walks, movie marathons, storytelling, tree climbing, backyard adventures, silly antics, laughs and memories ... let's do it again next year ... same place, same time!

The tans will fade but the memories will last forever
~Unknown

The Things They Say

Despite the mayhem and moments of frustration, having the kids home for the past couple of months has been pretty entertaining. Chatting with them or listening to their conversations with each other has provided us with hours of comedic relief. Here are a few snippets from our summer together ...

Mischief - What is Romeo and Juliet about anyway?
Dude - Its a high school play that some guy in Europe or China wrote. Its about these two people who like each other and then they die. The moral is that if you get a girlfriend it might kill you, so be careful.

Mischief - I just drank a big glass of milk, wanna see me do a handstand?
Random One - Ah, I think you might want to let that milk settle before you start doing tricks.
Mischief - Right, I might puke if I do tricks now (pause) Hey, mom ... wanna see me puke upside down?

After seeing me answer the door in ratty yoga pants and a pilly sweater...
Crafty - Ugh! You answered the door like that?!
Random One - Yeah, so?
Crafty - You look like a hobo!
Random One - If I was a hobo I wouldn't have a door to answer.
Crafty - Yes, you would, it would just be made of cardboard or something.

Mischief, upon meeting my cousin's baby - So this is the new little dude? He's kind of cute, once you get to know him.

Dude - That was sarcasm? Hmph, I thought I knew what sarcasm sounded like. Interesting.
Crafty - Duh!
Dude - Now, that was sarcasm!

Mischief - We can't go back to the dentist for maybe like two years.
Mr. Awesome - Why?
Mischief - Because I promised the dentist that I would stop sucking my thumb by the next time I see him.
Mr. Awesome - And?
Mischief - I don't think I'll be ready to give it up for another couple of years and I'll feel bad to break my promise so we can't go back.

Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ~Author Unknown

Happy New Years!

This past weekend marks the one year anniversary of our move to Small Town Canada.

A year ago I wasn't thinking about anything but just getting here and unpacking. The whole thing seemed kind of surreal. It was less three months from the time we decided to move until we were sleeping in our new house, an hour and a half away from our hometown. Things happened so fast that I didn't really have time to think about anything but the actual logistics of the move.

It wasn't until school started a couple of weeks later that I really thought about what this move really meant to all of us. Sure the job and work environment was better for Mr. Awesome and the schools were overall better for the kids but we also had to give up a lot.

We left a tight knit community, our friends and our church. We lost the convenience of having family close by, of knowing where everything is and of having Starbucks just around the corner. We had to, for better and for worse, let go of familiarity, reputation and comfort of the life we had built and step out into this new adventure.
Not knowing what to expect and having no real plan for our new lives in Small Town left us open to a world of possibilities and I think that for the most part we made the most of every opportunity. We all jumped in with both feet and I have to say that I am really proud of my Random Family. The kids put forth their best effort at school and they each finished the year strong. They all matured some, learned a lot and made some really great friends ... in fact, we all have.

This blog started off, a year ago, as a way for me to chronicle our move and the daily antics of The Wee Ones for my pals and a year later it has evolved and so have I. I started writing this blog as a way to hold on to everything I was leaving behind but it has become a measuring stick of change. Over the year I have changed how I view motherhood, wifedom and my role in my own life. I have become more comfortable in my own skin, in my own shoes and for the first time since leaving university I feel as though I see a future for myself, apart from being some random mother.

I want to thank you all for reading, for commenting and for encouraging me. Knowing that you are taking a few minutes out of your busy day to check in with this Random Family blesses me. And hearing that you are getting something out of my rambling words blesses me even more. I love reading your comments and emails, I am so encouraged to hear that the lessons I am learning make you laugh, think or inspire you to learn a little something new, too.

Thanks for being my pals for the past year and I look forward to the year to come ... Happy New Year!

Babies are Nocturnal and Other Words of Wisdom

Last weekend we spent some time hanging out with my cousin. She is expecting her first baby, a little boy, any day now. As we were leaving her house, Mischief thanked her for the invite and said this to her, "well, good luck with that baby! Enjoy your last few nights of sleep....cause babies are nocturnal, you know!"

That got me to wondering, what other wise words on babies and toddlers do the kids have to share. So this one is for all of you newbie parents out there ... sit back and soak in the wise words about babyhood and toddlerhood from three experts.

Mischief, "Right now, if you have a back inside you, you should walk alot. The walking is like squishing back and forth for the baby and it will sleep more. If its sleeping maybe it won't kick your bladder and make you pee your pants."

Crafty, "You should pee on that stick thing so you know for sure that you have a baby in there and you should probably go to the doctor once in a while and he'll tell you when the baby is done, like, ready to come out."

Dude, "When the baby comes you should go on the Internet to figure out how to take care of it. Its important to know what to feed it before it has teeth and how to change a diaper the right way. Those are the most important things to know."

Dude, "When you have a baby you have to wake up every night in the middle of the night to take care of it. If its hungry you have to feed it, then it will have some energy so it will want to play and then since it ate and played it will probably make a mess in its diaper and then you'll have to change it. If it doesn't like diaper changes then it might cry so then you'll have to cuddle it. Its kind of like that book If You Give a Pig a Pancake, except with a baby, not a pig."

Crafty, "When you have a baby you can't go out that much anymore. I don't think you'll have that much time for video games either at first. You are going to feel excited but very rushed about stuff. There's lots to do when you have to think of someone else first."

Mischief, "You should get a baby mom-meter so the baby doesn't have to sleep in your room, that way you can just turn the volume down and go back to sleep if it starts crying. Just joking, you should probably go check on the baby. The other thing is that babies are very messy. They make a mess with their food, they drool all the time and don't forget about the poop. Oh, man!"

Crafty, "At the age of three babies want to have their own way. They get very selfish but don't give them their own way all the time or they'll grow up spoiled like London from Suite Life and noooobody want to live with that!"

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher.  ~Robert Brault

A Near-Life Experience

I write fiction. I write this blog and book reviews but I also write fiction and in my genre of choice it is important to keep the happenings believable so the reader will relate to the characters. If I were to write the last two weeks of my life into a story line it would never see the bright side of an editor's desk because it would be completely unbelievable. The reader would balk at the over-the-top circumstances, drama and conflict and therefore would find the characters boring, this story would be completely unsellable.

But as they say truth is stranger than fiction.

I can't share everything that has happened because I am still processing some things, figuring out others and there are a few things that are not mine to tell but I can tell you this ... vacation isn't always as rejuvenating as they say. When I signed off nearly two weeks ago I expected to return to my keyboard refreshed, refocused and ready to go. I am none of those things.

Our vacation plans never even got out of the gate due to a serious illness in my uncle's family (it was his cabin we were going to). He insisted that we go to the cabin without him anyway, so instead of 13+ people for the weekend we arrived at the cabin as a group of seven.

The first two days there went off without a hitch except for when I sprained my wrist and when Mischief's ankles got sliced when he got tangled up in the dog chain. Except for that, we had a great time those first couple of days. By noon on the third day my uncle and cousin arrived with a few quads. The plan was to take the kids for a ride and then we'd have a BBQ and bonfire before my uncle headed back into town. We didn't make it past the quad ride.

My dad momentarily lost control of the quad he was driving (with Mischief on the back). Mischief was thrown clear of the quad and tumbled into a bush. My dad ended up under the quad on top of a tree stump and boulders. Mr. Awesome took my parents and Mischief to the hospital (the same hospital I had been at earlier that morning with my wrist injury) immediately and I followed later with my uncle.

Mischief was cleared immediately; nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises. My dad, after a long 24 hours of x-rays, scans, back brace, ambulance rides and two hospitals, learned that he had broken his collarbone and torn some ligaments in his neck in addition to the scraps and bruises that were covering much of his torso. All things considered we feel pretty lucky that both quadders walked away from the accident.

There are other things going on, things I can't write about now but I promise I will sometime soon. I just need more time to get more information, process and figure things out. What I do know for sure is that life is a precious, fleeting thing. That even though it sounds so cliche, we really must savour every moment, live the life we want to live and not just the life we settle for. We need to do what it takes to make our dreams a reality, we need to make memories with those who are precious to us and we need to be grateful for each day we have. We never know when life will take a turn and suddenly we are out of chances, out of time, to do the things we really want to do and be the person we really want to be.

I read a quote a while ago that kicked my procrastinating self in the behind. Before the accident and everything that surrounded it I realised that I need to live today and not wait for everything to begin tomorrow. I need to do the things that are important to me now instead of waiting for the right circumstances or a more convenient time. My life won't be anything if I just sit around waiting for something to happen to me. I need to start moving, start making things happen. What's that saying? You can't steer a parked car.

Anyway, I'm not dying and I didn't have a near death experience but I don't want to settle for a near life experience either. Do you?

A year from now you may have wished you started today.
~Karen Lamb

The Worst Place on Earth

Once again the temperature today has made all outdoor activity unbearable. I went to the grocery store this morning and thought seriously about setting up a lawn chair in the freezer section and waiting out the summer there. Its cool, clean and it has an abundance of ice cream; what more could a person want?

I am so not a summer person. I hate the heat, I get wicked sunburns, even through shade umbrellas and hats and there is no worse place on this planet than the beach. Its sun and sand and bugs. You have to slather yourself with sunblock and then the wind picks up a bit and suddenly you are stuccoed with sand. The water always looks dodgy, the bathrooms are primitive and there are far too many people wearing far too little fabric for my liking. There is not one thing I like about the beach, nope not one!

...

...

...

Well, okay ... there's one thing I like about the beach. I like that my kids are fearless water babies. I like that they can play and swim and use their imaginations for hours. I like that they all turn honey brown, from head to toe, after a day at the beach. I also love the fantastic pictures I take of them every summer as they ride the waves and hunt the sharks of their imaginations.

Here are a few of my favourite pictures of my beaching wee ones from over the years.

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~Russel Baker

Independence Day?

Today is officially the first day of summer break. Its the first Monday of sunshine, bike riding and pals. The first day of Independence ... no mre teachers, no more books and all that. Or is it? Not in this house because today is also the first day of The Smart Summer Folders.

My kids all had awesome report cards this year. They all worked very hard and made some incredible progress during the school year. After a lot of hard work, forr the first time since grade one Dude no longer has an IEP for Math. Crafty has gained in confidence and independence in all of her work but especially in writing and Mischief has grown leaps and bounds in his reading. I am one proud mama. I am also wary of summer break.

The school battles the kids have won this year have been hard fought. They have all spend hours around the kitchen table reading, writing and mathing and I don't want those hours to be all for nothing. Every year I see the kids put in the effort all school year to learn and improve themselves but as soon as the dismissal bell rings the books get closed for two months. The result is that the beginning of the next school year can seem like torture. They are out of routine, have lost some ground and are kind of lazy in their study habits.

That's not going to happen this year, I have a plan.

I made folders for each of the kids. In each folder is a chart for the week listing four categories; Reading, Printing, math and Special Project. I have also included some grade level math worksheets and a printing exercise for each of them. The plan is for the kids to spend about 15 minutes everyday reading, printing or working on math and an additional 15 minutes working on our Random Acts of Service Challenge. That's just one half hour a day.

My hope is to keep their skills up, create some sense of routine for the summer and inspire a little more self discipline in the kids. I want them to walk into their new school year more confident, better prepared and more focused. I think this plan is doable and the kids seem pretty excited ... ask me in a week how we're doing!

The important thing is not so much that every child should be taught, as that every child should be given the wish to learn. ~John Lubbock

The Start of Change

Today was the last day of school and the first day of our Random Acts of Service Challenge. This summer we have decided to do more than tan and beach and bonfire, this summer we are purposefully setting out to commit Random Acts of Service.

Mr. Awesome and I feel that it is very important to teach our kids to not only be empathetic but to act on that empathy. It is very easy to see a homeless person or a commercial about sick and starving children and think that its too bad but that it's not your problem. We want our kids to understand that because we are all here on this planet together that we are all connected. So the problem of the sick child in Africa is the problem of the homeless man downtown is the problem of us in suburban Canada. We are all connected so we must bear the burden and we must all work to find a solution.

It was with this in mind that we, as a family, started brainstorming about how we, in our safe little home, could be part of the solution. At first we didn't have a real idea of what we were going to do or achieve but bit by bit things started to come together. I'm still not sure of some of the details but I know we are on the right track. The kids are excited about the organisations they have chosen to raise money for and they can't wait to get started.

Next week they will share, in their own words, what charities they have chosen and why but for now I would like you to watch this video clip. Its a ballad of Western world woes (she says tongue in cheek).

I know that we all have big lives, big concerns and many obligations that demand our time and energy but I also know that we are blessed. I know that when I look outside my own life, my own woes and focus on the needs of others I feel fulfilled and purposeful. I know that when I take a moment to help someone in need I receive ten times the support, encouragement and strength back. But most of all, I know that when I stop to care, to help, to speak up I am doing what I am meant to be doing.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.



~Anne Frank

The Lost Boys

This weekend we packed our bags and headed out to Family Camp with the church we have been attending for the last several months. When I first mentioned this opportunity to Mr. Awesome I was joking. I thought it would be funny to tell him that I really wanted to go, knowing that he would never in a million years voluntarily go along. He has this weird thing about church camps; I think he may have watched one too many documentaries about Jonestown over the years or something.


Anyway, I told him about it and he said, “Sure … sounds like a great way to get to know more people.” Shocked and confused, I went down to the church the next day and signed us up. I didn’t expect him to go through with it, but he did. On Friday afternoon we dropped the dog off at a kennel and headed in a mostly westerly direction to join a bunch of people we didn’t know at a camp in the middle of nowhere.

And I’m so glad we did!

We spent the weekend meeting new people, hanging out with the kids and laughing. We did a lot of laughing! On Friday and Saturday night we sat around the bonfire until nearly midnight, visiting with our new pals as our children ran wild through the camp. It was amazing to see the kids make new friends and enjoy the freedom of uninhibited play in the safety of this community. It reminded me of being a kid and camping with my parents and all my cousins.

We used to play flash light tag, hide in the tall grass to scare people on their way to the bathrooms and tell spooky stories around the campfire. We had free reign of the place, we could go to the playground, head to the river to skip rocks or go frog catching behind the fish hut. We only saw our parents for meals and bedtime. It was absolute freedom, those sizzling summer days of my childhood, a freedom I never thought my kids would enjoy.

Life is different now, it has to be. There are more dangers, more threats to the safety and innocence of our children so parents have to be more present, more aware than when we were kids. We, those of us who are in our thirties now, are the last generation of the Lost Boys (and Girls), the last who will have memories of playing and riding and exploring from sun up to well past sun down free from the watchful eyes of our parents. We are the last of an aging tribe of day explorers, night runners and unabashed mischief makers.

We will have to be the memory keepers for all the kids who came before us, all the kids who shenaniganned, hijinxed and practiced all manner of prankery for generations, the kids who set the bar, made the legends and caused us to scheme and dream to lofty new heights each of our too few childhood summers. I am sad for the kids to come, that they will never know the thrill of running wild through the woods, wading knee deep in a swamp or prowling around the neighborhood after dark with their own band of adventurers, free from the prying eyes of adults.

And so, last night, as I washed the last of the grime from our weekend explorers, I said a silent prayer of thanks that my kids got at least one weekend to experience childhood in the very best sense, that they, for at least one weekend, got to be part of that fleeting tribe of Lost Boys … and Girls!

So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!



— J.M. Barrie (Peter Pan)

Stellar Parenting Moments

I was talking to a friend of mine who is a first time mom. She was worried that she was making mistakes and ruining her wee son. I laughed and told her to relax. I said that I'm sure she was doing just fine and even if she wasn't, the kid won't remember anything before the age of three anyway, so she's good.

I had a friend who lived by those words when her firstborn was little. She said it was the only consolation she had after a long day of parental screw ups. I thought she was nuts ... and then I became a parent. I soon realised that despite your best efforts there are a million things that can, and do, go wrong in a day when you are dealing with the unknown factor of infancy, toddlerhood and childom. Don't believe me? Here are a few Stellar Parenting Moments by Me, The Random One ...

~When Dude was 18 months old we moved him into a 'big boy' bed. It was a hand-me-down bed from a cousin but it did the job. About a week after the big move, Dude was still having trouble adjusting to the change. Almost every night he ended up in hysterics. Frustrated, I finally convinced Mr. Awesome to just let Dude cry it out. We checked in on him a couple of times, and despite all his tears and carrying on, the little guy was still laying down on his bed.  It took a while but Dude finally settled down.  

When we went to bed a couple of hours later, we stopped in to check on Dude. It wasn't until we were right next to his bed that we realised why he was crying so hard. The poor little guy was sleeping with his head resting against the wall, stuck between the two horizontal bars on the headboard! When we tried to get him out we realised that his head was too big to slip back through the bars so we had to pull the bed out and slide his the rest of his body through the bars. We were laughing so hard but the Lil' Dude slept through the whole thing!

~One morning when Crafty was about four months old I was reclining in bed, nursing her. We were relaxing and enjoying a little peace when Dude started to flip out over something. I carefully laid the sleeping Crafty on my bed, lined the edge of the bed with pillows and went to find Dude. I was gone from the bedroom for less than 10 minuted but when I returned Crafty was gone.

 At first glance, the pillows looked undisturbed and I could not figure out what had happened. When I looked closer I discovered one pillow had a tiny indented channel in it. I ran around the bed, expecting to see my infant on the floor but nothing. Nothing was there. I was starting to panic when I dropped on my hands and knees and started looking under the night stand and bed. The first lift of the bed skirt revealed nothing, so I crawled to the foot of the bed and looked again. There she was, under the bed, happily sucking on her toes, completely unphased by her travels.

~Mischief was about three years old the rainy morning we set out to pick Crafty up from school. It was spring and it had been raining for days and their were huge puddles, lakes really, all over the neighborhood. During our walk down the street I had repeatedly told Mischief that he may NOT jump, run or do any tricks in the puddles, it was much too cold to get soaked. When we got to the school the teacher asked to talk to me so I asked a friend to keep an eye on Mischief while I ran inside.

Fifteen minutes later I emerged from the school and asked my friend where Mischief was. She looked around, confused. He had been there just a minute ago. I quickly scanned the playground, focusing on all of his favourite hiding spots. No Mischief. Puzzled but not surprised, I started walking around the playground, looking over and under each play structure, calling his name. Suddenly, I heard a squeaky, "Here I am!" coming from behind the playhouse. I rounded the corner and there he was, my Mischief, sitting in a muddy puddle, water up past his waist. "I'm not jumping!" he declared, so proud of his obedience.

After each of these incidents, and the thousands of similar parenting moments in between and after, I have doubted my ability as a mother. Who am I to be trusted to care for another human being?! Clearly I am not qualified! But once the dust settles and the kids are found, unstuck and bathed, I remember that all parents have days like this from time to time. I tell myslef that it'll be fine, and it always is.

The kids are older now and we have fewer grand scale screw ups than we did when they were younger. It still happens, just less frequently. When it does happen I take a deep breath, and sometimes a picture, and remind myself that these days won't last forever ... for better or for worse.

 So, the next time you are knee deep in a stellar parenting moment I just want you to remember this, we all have these moments, all three of my kids survived and ... they remember nothing!

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. ~Linda Wooten

The Interview

Today I taped an interview for a local radio station that will be aired in a couple of weeks. While I was explaining what an interview was to the kids, Mischief asked why no one ever wants to interview him. SO here it is ... The Big One, The Catch, The Interview Every Journalist Would Kill For ...

The Random One vs. Dude, Crafty and Mischief ... with a special appearance by Mr. Awesome

RO - What is your name and why?

D - My name is Science Dude because I really like Science and I'm really good at doing science stuff.
C - My name is Crafty because I love doing crafts and I am like my mom.
M - Mischief because sometimes I try stuff and it gets me in trouble but (giggles) I kind of like doing mischiefy kind of things.


RO - If you could choose your name, what would it be?

C - I would still keep Crafty because I like it and it matches with me.
D - Same here!
M - I would choose my name to be Mischief Maxy. I like Mischief all right but I also like the name Max, so I could be both.


RO - If you could give your parents names, what would they be and why?

M - I would think I would name you Laura and Dad Hydro Dude.
D - You would be Mama Crafty and Dad could be Mr. Fun Guy
C - I would call Dad Mr. Fix-it and you could just stay the same.


RO - What's the best thing about being in this Random Family?

D - Its the best that we are part Scottish and part Aboriginal. I've got great parents and I like my siblings.
C - Because everybody is different and we all like doing different things and that's okay.
M - I love my family and we have a castle in Scotland, well not us but people that have our same name ... but they're dead now so that's okay.
Mr. A - Definitely the diversity of characters, its like all the varied colours of the rainbow that make up our family.


RO - What is the worst thing?

D - That my brother and sister are annoying and sometimes disobedient.
M - Myself and sometimes Dude, we can be kind of stinky, so that's probably the worst thing for you girls.
C - My mom thinks she can sing and dance and she thinks she's good at but she's not really.
D - Not to be offensive but I agree.
M - I like it but sometimes I wish I had earplugs.
Mr. A - My answer is the same for this question as the last ... everyone is so different and that's a lot to manage sometimes.


RO - What is the most important thing you know?

M - I think its to be a nice person 'cause I don't want to end up being a bully.
D - I think its that you told me that I have Asperger's Syndrome because some parents don't tell their kids. I'm glad I know.
C - I think being a nice person is important but matching my clothes is important, too. I don't want to go to school looking like a hobo!
Mr. A - Its extremely important, when you are a parent, to be patient and forgiving ... and I am still learning how to do this, everyday.


RO - Is there anything else you would like the readers to know about you?

M - I am the biggest mischief maker and I love playing with Play mobile ... just in case you want to give me a gift sometime and I have Toy Story 3 pajamas.
D - I'm super smart but I ran into a tree when I was chasing the dog. It hurt my hand, not my brain, so I'm fine.
C - I hope you enjoy this blog and whatever. Are we done, now?
Mr. A - I think the readers should know that I am very proud of you (Random One), you have used your voice to, in a peaceful and constructive way, benefit our kids. I love you!

The Why

As a mom, I am asked questions that begin with the word 'why' about a thousand times a day. "Why can't I run along the top of the six foot fence?" "Why do I have to eat that?" "Why is there such a thing as gravity?" Why. why, why?! A million times over the big 'W' comes my way, and what's more, many of these questions are asked first thing in the morning (pre-coffeejuice), when I am in the middle of another task or at bed time, when I am intellectually spent. No matter when the question is asked, we all know that "because" is never a good enough answer.

So today I am turning the tables on those hyper curious wee ones. Today it is my turn to ask the kids a few questions. Today is the day that I get to challenge their knowledge of the universe, their understanding life and beg them for an explanation for the unexplainable. Today I ask, "Why?"

~Why is it that when I ask you if you have homework on Friday evening the answer is 'no' but Monday morning you are in a panic to finish three worksheets are read two books before school starts?

~Why do you beg for time away from your siblings because they are bothering you and then whine that you are bored when you are alone?

~Why is the only time you remember to flush the toilet is when I am in the shower?

~Why was Sloppy Joes your favourite dinner last week but tonight you refuse to eat it?

~Why are you 'so good' at your friend's house but drive me to madness as soon as you get home from the play date?

~Why do you freak out you see a cell bug in the basement but walk around with a jar full of spiders, moths and worms you 'collected' from the garden?

~Why do you sleep in on school days but wake up at 6am on the weekend?

Why?

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On a side not I have entered this blog in a Top 25 blog contest over at Circle of Moms and I'm asking each of my readers to take a second to pop on over to Circle of Moms and vote for this blog everyday when you are done reading. Just follow the link and click vote!

Thanks, pals!