The Things I Know

So, I'm in a time of transition … blah, blah, blah. I'm tired of talking about it (and writing about it) which means you are probably WELL past being tired of hearing about it. I've been a little doom and gloom and mournful over all of this loss and change - which, to a certain extent, in normal. But in the midst of all of the good-byes, I've kind of lost sight of who I am and what is important to me.

I am still a writer. I write everyday. Sometimes its a few words about the end of Friday Night Lights via Netflix (every time I watch that series on Netflix I mourn the final episode like it's the first time) on Twitter. Other times its a note in my kids' lunchbox or a text to a friend who comes to mind. But most days I journal as I read the Bible and sometimes I share those tidbits on Instagram or Facebook. And I am still plugging away on my next book. Writing is important to me. It keeps my mind sharp and curious.  It feeds my soul and awakens my heart.

I am still a wife and a mom. Mr. Awesome rocks my world. I love his humour, his heart for justice and his focus on family. He is my best friend and a gift in more ways than I can say. I get to be his partner and helpmate, as he is mine. Together we get to lead this ragtag band of hooligans known as The Forbes Five. We get to dream, laugh, teach, play and live together. How awesome is that?!

I am still a church-girl. I love church. I love all the crazy, messy, lovely people who gather each week to learn more and love better. I love that I am accepted, that I am one of the crazy, messy lovely people. I love that church gives me lots of opportunity to learn and practice grace, to serve others and to take huge heart risks. I love that I don't have to be perfect to show up. I love that church is family.

I still love people.  People are the most amazing, resilient, bizarre creatures on the planet. I love how every person has a story to tell, that we can learn from each other. I am intrigued by what makes others tick, what awakens their deepest heart dreams and what disappointments they have weathered. I love connecting with folks and hearing their crazy because I have some crazy, too. I love that every soul as a secret place of gentleness and a deep place of untapped possibilities. I love that we are all so unique yet crave sameness in each other. I love that you can know someone for your whole life and still they are a mystery - a beautiful, familiar mystery.

I am a Jesus-girl. I am found. I am free. I am chosen. Some of you readers don't get this, and that's cool, but in this relationship with Jesus I found the deepest sense of peace, belonging and purpose. I know thatHe loves me unconditionally and I trust Him with my everything. Life bites sometimes but I am never, ever alone. I can feel the comfort and strength of Jesus near me even in my darkest times. It is His hope that keeps me moving forward in the midst of loss and heart ache. It is also His joy that swirls around me like a force of nature and causes me to laugh into the stormy winds of life. I am just Jesus' type of girl.

I feel life our life has been tossed up in the air and now we are stuck in a Matrix moment where everything is suspended and we aren't quite sure where everything will land. And although that freaks me out a bit, I know that my feet are firmly placed in my trust in Jesus, I am surrounded by people who love and are willing to be loved, my heart is full of my family and I have words, lots and lots of words, to share.

If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
 — Thomas Alva Edison

Uniquely Beautiful Together

My mom has several awards of recognition from her professional life. They are these hand blown glass tear-drop things. And she has four. To look at them as individuals they all look the same. Clear, pear-shaped with little air bubbles trapped in their core. But when you line them up, side by side, you can see the inconsistencies.

One is tall and almost a perfect tear-drop but it has more air bubbles than the shorter one beside it that leans slightly. The shortest one is bottom heavy but has the most interesting shaped air bubble right at its core and the fourth one is a perfect cross section of the other three but with three bubbles stacked neatly on top of each other. Individually they all looked the same but lined up together you can see the unique beauty in each of these ornaments.

We are just like these wee drops of glass.

A couple of weeks ago, I stepped out on a limb and applied to be part of my 'friend' Jen Hatmaker's launch team. She has a new book coming out in August (For the Love) and she invited her blog followers to apply to be one of 500 lucky gals who would receive an advance copy of her new book so that they might use their social media presence to promote the pants of her book. I, sadly, was not chosen … and neither were 4500 other Lovelies.

It was disappointing but not earth shatteringly so. I received my consolation prize of four (FABULOUS) sample chapters and was prepared to move on. But then this thing happened. The Unchosen took to twitter and began tweeting with the hashtag #The4500. And then they created a Facebook group. And then more than 400 of the 4500 joined the group. And then we got to know one another. We shared snippets of our own life stories, we shared blogs, we shared our love for Jen. It was awesome!

And then something wanky started to happen. We were all their, beautiful in our own individuality, yet now lined up side by side. The comparison thing started to happen. A few Lovelies felt 'less than' for not being chosen as one of the 500, a few felt "not a funny" as others … not as popular, not as experienced, not as deep. Some felt messy, chaotic and undeserving. Others elevated Jen to an impossible-to-maintain position of greatness (don't get me wrong, love me some Jen Hatmaker but she IS just a regular gal after all).While there was much love in this wee band of Jen fans there was also a lot of insecurity beginning to surface. And just when I was feeling uncomfortable and contemplating stepping out of the group our gal-pal, Jen stepped in.

A couple of days ago Jen popped into the group and tok in some of the threads. Like I said, much of what is one this page is funny, kind, uplifting and community building but there were also some very disappointed folks (me included, I may or may not have consumed more Jolly Ranchers than necessary following the Unchosen email) who were questioning their worth. This is what Jen had to say …

"Morning, friends! We are almost at the 400 member mark! All the feels.

You know what? Let me tell you what you are NOT: You are not the "B Team" or "Junior Varsity" or "the rejects." And you don't have to declare that "you will be heard." You already ARE heard! You are already amazing in your place. Your influence is as strong and powerful as it ever was.

The whole message of For the Love says there is not a better than or less than in our community. WE ARE ALL IN. Honestly? For me, there is really no "launch team" and "the rest of us." We are all on the same team. We really are. We are ALL for grace and community and courage and love. We are all reading parts or all of the book in advance. We are all IN THIS TOGETHER. This is not a tribe of scarcity. There is enough to go around, and every last one of us is ENOUGH.

So no more B Team talk. You are my A TEAM. I adore you! I adore this sweet community forming! I am so grateful for every encouraging, kind, funny thing you have said to me and each other. What a joy you are! Let's stand up together and take our place...love you, sisters!"

And this is why I love her! This is the message of her heart … and it is the message of mine as well.

We have been designed as individuals and the purpose in coming together is not to point out our flaws or short comings but to highlight how uniquely beautiful we each are. Alone we may appear 'just like everyone else' but it's in Together that we see how our individuality compliments the uniqueness in others. We are in this together … we are in Together. Together.

Uniquely beautiful together!

Let’s just say amongst ourselves that we will silence the bossy, mean voice telling us to BE MORE AWESOME and instead we will obey the other nudges, the ones that lead us to love and life and peace and generosity and God and people and rest and gratitude.

~Jen Hatmaker

On Being Successful

Yesterday, Mr. Awesome was on the phone with someone and they asked him how my book sales were going. Mr. Awesome said the sales were going really well and then he tried to move the conversation forward but the person on the other end of the line would have none of it. They wanted details.

"So how many books has she sold? How much does she make per book? Has she been invited to speak anywhere or do radio interviews? How successful is she, really?

Annoyance battled with insecurity for a few moments and temporarily, insecurity won. The truth is my book sales haven't been stellar. Most of those who have purchased books have sent very encouraging messages and have often bought a few more copies to give as gifts. My small but mighty band of readers have been super supportive but I'll be honest, I am a little disappointed at my sale numbers. Feeling down about my sales led to a time of self flagellation at my lack of marketing.

I've joked with friends that I wrote this book in the privacy of my own home and it would be nice if people had the decency to read it in the privacy of their's instead of expecting me to sit and sign and talk about my book. I know that this is completely unrealistic. That's not how this thing goes (and for the record, I do enjoy meeting readers). First you write then you promote. That's the drill. But as you, my dear faithful readers, know I am dorkified through and through. I am awkward and squirmy when it comes to self promotion and the dreaded Accepting of Compliments. I find this Promotion of The Book thing really, really hard. It's unnatural to me yet it's the next thing I must do.

So with all of this neurotic emotional baggage hanging around my neck I asked myself the questions, "How successful am I, really?"
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I WROTE A DANG BOOK, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I wrote a book. I sent hours locked away in my room like some kind of half crazed hermit. I drank boatloads of coffee and survived on crackers and grapes (food you can easily eat while typing) for months. I read, reread, edited, revised, screamed, revised again. I contemplated commas, inserted a million forgotten hyphens and agonized over titles, introductions and acknowledgements. And most of all, I prayerfully considered each scripture and each word that I used to lay out the message in my heart. I poured myself onto paper and then handed it over to the masses (and by masses I mean 200 friends and family) to read.

I wrote a book.

So, yeah. I'm successful. The most successful writer ever. I have joined legions of Most Successful Writers Ever who have taken the time, the effort and the heart to bravely follow their passion to write. These courageous souls have not only started to write a book but they have finished writing a book. Starting is scary but finishing is impossibly hard. Every book you hold in your hand in the dream of someone's heart - a dream they had the perseverance to walk out into reality. They just did it (a la Nike).

And so did I.

We gauge success by a million bizarre measuring sticks. Size matters when talking success. Size of house, size of office, size of bank account - but do these things really measure success? I don't think so. Does a huge office bring you peace? Does loads of cash bring you friendship? Does a fancy title bring you love? Not really. I think it's the intangible things that are the only real marker of success.  Are you at peace with what you have done? Do you feel a deep sense of well-being and assurance that you have done what is right?Yes? Great! You are successful. Anything that comes after peace is just gravy.

If you have a dream in your heart you can't be worried about success, accolades or criticisms if you want that dream to be a reality. You just have to do it. Just do the work to move the dream forward. Take the time to plan it out, prepare yourself and then do the work. That's success. Doing. Followed by peace. A sense of accomplishment. Pride in knowing that you saw that monumental thing through. You did the thing you were scared to do. You finished it.

You succeeded.

The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.

Vince Lombardi

Inspired to Finish?

Inspire - to serve as the enticing cause, to urge or or encourage, to fill with revolutionary ideas


Folks who know me know that I am very easily inspired. I read Anne of Green Gables and wanted to be a red headed orphan, I watched 'Rudy' and I wanted to play football for Notre Dame, I have a thought and I immediately write a story synopsis. Some days I can have a new 'inspiration' every two minutes...just ask Mr. Awesome. He loves it when I start a conversation with, "I have this idea..."

But being 'inspired' to start something isn't enough, is it? Not if you are trying to write a novel, that's for sure.

Just over a year ago I started writing a novel, a sort of Bridget-Jones-for-the-Mommy-set. I was so inspired when I started that I was easily writing 3,000 words every afternoon. The story was coming so easily and the words just flowed ... I was inspired.

Then I hit a bump on Inspiration Highway and so matter how I tried to write around it I could move past it smoothly, so I detoured. I skipped ahead in the story and kept writing but I had lost my sense of direction, my groove, so I quit. I was uninspired and things got tough and I was frustrated ... so I quit.

I am a quitter.

But I plan to change that. This month, November, is Nanowrimo. Its National Novel Writing Month. This is a little boost that we pre-professional writers often use to jump start our projects. I have started Nano several times but I have never finished. This year that will change. This year I will write 50,000 words and finish the first draft of my novel. This year I won't be a quitter. This year I am inspired to finish!

Feel free to ask, harass and hound me about my word count all month. Right now I'm at 21,000 by November 30 I plan to be at 70,000. Help me!


No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.
~Master Yoda