In Their Natural Habitat

"I think we can! I think we can! I think we can!"

This has been our mantra for the past couple of weeks. We are in the slow climb to the last day of school (9 days, but who's counting?). We've been in survival mode. Git 'er done, eye on the prize, push through the pain mentality. But as we've slogged through portfolios, crammed for tests and scrambled to finish up projects we also enjoyed a few rare moments of fun and organized chaos in the form of field trips.

Mr. Awesome and I both have been able to attend a couple of field trips during the last few week and while we had moments of terror (like when I was the only adult sitting at the back of the school bus for a two hour ride) for the most part our trip pin' days were fun and educational. Sure, we learned more about our local government, fossil discovery in our province and just how many windows to open on a school bus to combat preteen musk without creating a hurricane force wind tunnel as you drive down the highway but mostly we learned about our kids and how they interact with their world. And some of the findings surprised us.

They aren't extroverts. They aren't exactly introverts either but seriously, I was a little surprised to see that all three of The Wee Ones were more reserved than I expected. Crafty is always more cautious and watchful in new situations but I was genuinely shocked to see that Mischief reacted exactly the same way as his sister. He is usually our go-getter but field trip day, parent day and track day all saw my Wee Wild Child hang back a bit and let others take the lead. He still had fun and was part of the group but he was no longer the kid out front - and that's okay.

They're okay with flying solo. All three Wee Ones have some really great friends but all three of them are fine with doing their own thing alone if no one else wants to join them. Sometimes, their are disappointed that their friends aren't with them but that doesn't stop them from participating in something they are really interested in even if no one else is. I also noticed that all three of them crave alone time even when they are in a crowd. They eventually rejoin the group but they each seemed to need a time out during the busyness of the day.

They ask great questions. This wasn't a big shocker for me when it came to observing Dude. His mind is always going and he's always asking questions - and I'm usually not smart enough to answer most of the questions he asks. I was more surprised by Crafty and Mischief. They are smart cookies, too, so I wasn't surprised that they had thoughts. What surprised me was Crafty's boldness to ask questions to strangers in a group setting and the depth of though Mischief put into his questions. It seems that although Mischief is in constant motion he is, in fact, taking in most of what he hears and Crafty has figured out how to let her curiosity win over her anxiety.

They are growing at warp speed. I often think of home as their natural habitat but that's not really the case. These Wee Ones spend most of their wakeful hours out in the world, with teachers and peers. Most of their learning and maturing happens out of sight from us and this is so evident when we have the opportunity to observe them in their natural habitat. They are not little anymore. They don't need us to navigate the world, step by step, for them. They are figuring things out pretty well on their own. They are stronger, smarter, more thoughtful, more courageous than I give them credit for. They are not babies - they are Wee People who have carved out their own place in their world. It's really remarkable to witness. And it's happening so fast!

They still want us. Whether it was a wink across the room, a seat saved on the bus or a wee sticky hand slipping into mine, my kids all let us know that they still want us around. While some of the other kids didn't want to be in their parents' group, didn't want to sit with them on the bus or didn't want them taking pictures of them together at the events all three of my kids loved every minute of having us present. They were happy to walk with us during the tours and looked forward to us joining them and their friends for lunch. They wanted to stand next to us, hold our hands and give us hugs throughout the day. They may not need us but they want us - and that makes my heart sing!

This school year has flown but and our kids have grown by leaps and bounds. I'm proud of them for persevering, for being brave and for being teachable. I'm in awe of the people they are becoming. As I watch them grow from year to year, and learn a little more about them, its as though I am slowly unwrapping a precious, and much anticipated, gift. Maybe because I am. As much as I'd like to tear of the wrappings and see the fullness of this precious gift, I also want to savour this time. Savour the anticipation, the discovery, the quiet moments of becoming. Time rushes on fast enough on its own and though I can do nothing to stop it, I can be purposeful in enjoying each second that passes. I can soak in the newness of each day. I can peacefully observe these Wee Ones as they move through the world and make it their own.

And I can be grateful
.

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” 
― Anne Frank

What to Expect ...

I have a few friends who have recently become mothers. They were so cute during their pregnancy with their little pregnant bellies and their trendy maternity clothes. They oohed and aahed over their chic diaper bags that coordinate with their ergonomically correct strollers which are a perfect compliment to their swanky infant sling that has some kind of unpronounacable european name. They went to prenatal classes, pre-joined mommy groups, studied infant massage and read up on what to expect once they had baby in hand. Boy, did they read!

They bought books, read blogs, googled and googled some more. They became experts on what to expect but, seriously, they had no idea what they were in for! Even now, months later, with countless sleepless nights, innumerable puke stains on their strollers and a funky smell inexplicably coming from their once beautiful diaper bag, they still have no concept of what this motherhood journey is really all about. And those of us with tweens and teens laugh at them. And those with older teens and young adults laugh at us.

As I look back over my nearly 14 years of motherhood, one thing has become glaringly obvious; those first few years, the years I had studied for, planned for and read up on, those years were the easiest years of this journey ... the easiest by far. I am, by no means, discounting the adjustment, the stress and the feeling of utter inadequacy that new motherhood brings. I remember well struggling through colicky nights and unexplained fevers and rashes. And I also remember the moment by moment decision to just keep moving forward even though post partum depression was calling me to a dark, isolated place. I remember. I remember.

But what I've come to realize is that there were aspects of those days that were so easy. It was easy to create a bubble in my home. It was easy to pretend the world outside of our four, finger printed walls didn't exist. It was easy to be the gatekeeper of who and what affected our lives. Caillou was annoying so we didn't watch it, Raffi's songs gave me a headache so we didn't listen to them. Veggie Tales made us laugh so we sang those songs. Colouring was fun but play-doh was messy so we spent hours colouring and the giant box of play-doh collected dust on the shelf. Nothing existed in our world that we did not allow in.

Then came Kindergarten and everything changed. Our Wee People began to mix with other Wee People. And they learned from each other. Most of it good but some of it not so good. And that exchange of information went both ways. Fast forward a few years and you'll find me longing for simpler days.

Sure, I'm still dealing with funky smells but this time they are coming from my teen age son's room and not the diaper bag. But more than that, we're dealing with influences that can't be easily shut off or turned down. Our everyday life is filled with the unexpected, and mostly unwanted, drama that occurs when you pile 500 hormonal, impulsive teens and tweens into a building for seven hours a day, five days a week and expect them to learn.

So, to my pals with infants and toddlers, I'm going to pass along some wisdom that a few of my friends who are further along in their motherhood journey passed along to me ...

What to Expect After You've Expected

~Develop a good poker face.
     Your kids will say shocking things, do shocking things and ask shocking questions and like the old commercial says, "never let them see you sweat." Whether your kid is saying and doing to shock you or they are coming to you, looking for answers, with genuine curiosity don't let your shock/horror/confusion/panic show. Keep your wits about you and at least appear to be stoic. Keeping your emotions in check will keep the door open to future conversations. If you don't wig out, your kid is more likely to come to you first when they need advice, information or a soft place to land.

~Be honest.
    If you don't know the answer, it's okay to say you don't know. If your feelings are hurt, it's okay to tell your kid. If you're having a tough day, it's okay to let them know. Your kids don't need all the details to your life's struggles but they do need to know that disappointments, hurts and ...well, life ... happens to us all. They need to see that you can come back from a rough day, that you can be appropriate in your anger, that you can grieve, forgive and make mistakes without it being fatal.

~Being good is good enough.
     One of the best, and most freeing, things ever told to me was that I didn't need to be an exceptional mom to raise exceptional kids, I just needed to be a good mom. As moms, we can easily stress ourselves out, trying to keep up with what we perceive other moms are doing. All you need is five minutes on pinterest to convince yourself that you are an inadequate parent because you don't make baby food from scratch, you aren't 'going paleo' and you bought valentines instead of hand making them. We set unreasonable expectations for ourselves and then flog ourselves when we don't meet them. Your kids don't need the world's best mom, they just need you ... you are good enough.

~Be intentional
     If you want your kid to know something, you are actually going to have to teach them ... repeatedly. When your Wee Babe was first learning how to walk you didn't talk to them about it once, help them to stand once and then expect them to know what they were doing from that point on. You let them see you walking. You held their hand as they walked. You caught them when they stumbled and you helped them to stand again. You walked along side them. You called them to come to you. And you celebrated when they finally could walk on their own. You understood that it was a process. You understood that in order to teach your baby to walk you were going to have to model, practice, coach and be intentional with them. That process never stops. Anything that's really important, anything that is worth teaching your kids, is going to be a process. You are going to have to be purposeful when you teach them to persevere, to be selfless, to be brave, to be authentic, to be kind. You are going to have to walk them through with baby steps. You are going to have to be patient. You are going to have to be intentional.

I'm sure there's more to this sequel of What to expect but these are the chapters I'm stuck on. These are the ones I have to read over and over again before they truly sink in. These are the ones I study so that I can make it through this phase of motherhood. These are the lessons my children are teaching me. And, as hard as they are to learn, I thank my kids for having the patience to teach them to me.

There's no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.
~Vic, What to Expect When You're Expecting

100 Aker Wood Wisdom

I'm having an Eeyore day. Nothing is really wrong but nothing is really right. I'm feeling a little uncertain of my place in the world, a little disconnected and a little bit like I'm spinning my wheels. I am questioning whether the places I am putting my time and energy are the places I am supposed to be putting my time and energy. No worries, though, its not like I'm having a major life crisis ... I'm just doing a little self reflection. And self reflection sometimes turns me into Eeyore.

My whole life I have adored Winnie the Pooh. I have collected books, figurines and stuffed animals from these wonderful tales for years. There's something about that roll polly little bear and his rag tag group of friends that touches my heart and captures my imagination. There's also a lot of wisdom floating around the 100 Aker Wood.

Every now and then, when 'The Eeyore' mood strikes me, I pick up a volume of Pooh Bear classics and I flip through the pages, reading sentences at random. Every time I do this, without fail, my heart swells and my courage is boosted. I am reminded that thinking too much isn't all that its cracked up to be, that love is not particularly dignified or tidy and that's okay and friends come in all shapes and sizes.

Here are a few of my favourite A.A. Milne bits of wisdom ...

"Rivers know this; there is no hurry. We shall get there someday."

"Love is taking a few steps backward, maybe even more ... to give way to the happiness of the person you love."

"You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."

"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them."

"Some people care too much. I think its called love."

And my favourite ... today ...

"How do you spell love? You don't spell it, you feel it."

So today, as I am wondering why my life feels stalled out, I will remember the river. When I feel lonely, I'll step outside my corner of the forest. When I feel as though I am going backwards, I'll acknowledge that maybe I need to back up a bit for the sake of the happiness of those I love. When people drive me nuts, I will take the time to know them better so that I may behold their beauty. When my heart feels so full that I'm afraid it might break, I will relax, know that its not madness but love that is filling me. And lastly, love isn't an exact science, it is meant to be felt, to be lived and to be expressed and I will rest in that.





The things that make me different are the things that make me.
A. A. Milne

Be True

I have a lot of parents who are regular readers and recently I have discovered that some of their kids are closet readers, too. This post is for them. If your kid isn't a reader here or your not sure how to communicate this to them I give you permission claim this post as your own, write it out in a card or journal for them and give it to them. Hopefully, this will be a conversation starter and a lifeline to parents and teens because we all could use a little help from time to time.

~

I see you. I see you with your friends or alone, lost in moments of quiet thought, and I can't believe how fast you are growing up and changing from the sweet little kid who turned my world upside down into this mysterious young adult I hardly know. I see how you are becoming more independent, more confident in your own ideas and talents; I see you and I marvel at the person you are.

In the midst of all this growing and maturing, there's still a lot you are trying to figure out. I can see that you are trying to balance who you are with who your parents think you are and who your friends want you to be. I know that you feel an enormous amount of pressure to please others, to fit in and to do what is expected of you in the moment. Its a lot to deal with.

Each decision you make shapes who you are and who you're becoming. Not decisions like what you're having for lunch but big decisions like who you're hanging out with, what you do when you're with your friends and what habits you're picking up. Each step you take down the path that is your life changes you and stays with you; the decisions you make will either add to or take away from who you are. The people you let influence you will also add to your life or take pieces from you.

There are pieces of you that once you give away you can never get back; pieces that hold your self respect, dignity and your very heart. There are decisions that you'll be asked to make in the moment that will echo throughout your life and there are things that you'll be pressured to do that you can never undo.

That's not to say that life is without grace and redemption because there is always room for second (and third and fourth) chances but along with those chances is regret. Regret is a hefty burden to bear and even though the weight can decrease over time, the shadow of regret is always with you.

Being young is about taking chances but its also about learning. Sure you can learn from your own experiences but sometimes learning from the advice of those who know you best, love you best, is a better way to go. The independence in you will chafe at the idea of being told what to do but somewhere inside of you there is also the part of you that takes comfort in knowing that you don't have to do it all on your own. I know this because I still feel this.

I still get annoyed when my mom tries to give me her input or advice; I am a grown person and I can make my own decisions. But later, when the annoyance subsides, I am relieved to know that I am not alone in this life, that I don't have to guess my way through the tough patches. I don't always take the advice that's given but I always think about it at least, weigh the options and think about the consequences. That's all I'm trying to say to you; stop, listen and then decide.

Right now, in your life, you are trying to figure out who you are and where you are headed in your life. You are trying to sort out where your parents end and where you begin and you are shaping your own identity. In the midst of all this chaos and new independence there is this thing inside of you, this little piece of truth that you hear as you move through your life. That is who you are. That is the truth of the person you can become.

Before you are in the middle of tough situations or faced with peer pressure you already know who you are and what you feel is right for you.  You already know the truth of who you want to be. You already know but sometimes the knowing and the doing are two very different things.

I want you to know that you are stronger, braver and smarter than you give yourself credit for. You are innately good and kind. You have everything inside of you that you will ever need to be the person, the magnificent, spectacular, world changer that you are meant to be. You don't have to sell yourself short, go with the crowd or play down your strengths. Just shine on.

Be true to who you are and live the life, the great big, wonderful life you were created to live. Hold the pieces of you close, guard them and only share them with those who are truly worthy of you. Allow the people who love you to speak into your life, listen to their wisdom before you make a decision. Above all know that grace and second chances are there for you, just as they have been there for all of us.

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don’t have to be shy about it, no
And you’ll never be alone
Come on now show your soul
~U2, Origin of the Species

The Princess Effect

This past weekend was a big weekend in This Random House. After a four year hiatus we returned to the crazy, bedazzled world that is Disney on Ice. The last time we went Dude was 7, Crafty was 4 and we left Mischief with a sitter. The show was amazing but the crowds, pyrotechnics and flashing lights was way too much for Dude's Asperger brain; he spent most of the show hiding under his jacket. Now he's a little older and a lot more equipped to deal with everyday life, even everyday Disney life, so we went.

We arrived early and the kids spent their Christmas money on swords, stuffed animals and action figures then Mr. Awesome spent our retirement money on cotton candy and snow cones. Once everyone was sufficiently sugared up and Disney-ified we found our seats and waited for the show to start.

Mickey and his pals opened the show and then it was Aladdin and the Genie followed by Beauty and The Beast. Bizzy's eyes nearly popped out of her head when the music started and it didn't take long before she had her stuffed Belle and Beast dancing along to the music. I thought she was going to faint when the rest of the princesses and their princes joined Belle and Beast on the ice.

I watched Crafty and Bizzy take it all in; the lights, the sparkles and the music. They sang along to the medley of Princess tunes and sighed every time a Prince lifted his Princess into the air. They were thoroughly enchanted by the scene. It was sweet but a little concerning in light of something I had seen earlier in the week.


Crafty as Cinderlla
2008



Last week I was watching a talk show (one of the hazards of recovering from surgery, I don't get out very much!) and the topic was how this generation of girls is being damaged by 'The Princess Effect' meaning that too much emphasis is being put on appearance and catching a 'prince' than independence and inner strength. At first I thought the whole argument was kind of mental but sitting under the Disney spell, watching my girls get drunk on the princess effect, I thought that maybe those experts had a point.

Until Mulan.

Mulan burst onto the ice, wielding a weapon and fighting with the big boys. She saved her father's honor and all of China in one heroic act. She was a Princess Warrior. That's when I realised that Disney don't make princesses like they used to.

Crafty as Belle
2007

Gone are the days of Snow White cleaning house for a bunch of tiny slobs, Sleeping Beauty waiting for her prince so her life would begin and Cinderella being at the mercy of self centered bullies. In 1989 we saw the era of a new kind of princess begin with Ariel the Adventurer followed by Belle the Bookworm and Pocahontas the Spirited. 

Princesses are still beautiful, romantic and feminine but each one finds their inner strength and accepts their own unique awesomeness. The modern princesses are bold, courageous and independent. They role model humor, creativity and intelligence while singing catchy tunes. They dance through their troubles and find something good in every situation. They are resilient. They are clever. They are strong.

As we were walking to our car after the show I asked Crafty who her favourite princess was.

"From the show? I don't know, maybe Belle."

"Do you have a favourite who wasn't there?"

"I like The Paperbag Princess, Rapunzel but most of all probably Fiona."

"Why do you like Fiona?"

"She's a little bit gross but still all princess and she can fight like a ninja!"

"I'm a ninja."

"No ... you're not."

I watched my beautiful girl run ahead and join her brothers, laughing at her silly mom. My brave Pocahontas, my sensitive Belle, my curious Ariel, my fierce Rapunzel, my clever Tiana, my strong Mulan, my quirky Fiona ... my witty, silly, spectacular Crafty. My Princess Crafty.

Being a princess isn't all it's cracked up to be.

~Princess Diana

True Confessions of an Underage Drinker

I've decided its time to confess. Its time you know the truth about me. Behind all this sensible, 'life-as-I-see-it' writing there lies a deep, dark secret. I have skeletons in my closet, secrets that have been long disguised but never forgotten and its time to let them out; its time to confront my wild day of underage drinking. Its time.

I say 'day of drinking' because it only happened once. At school. And I got suspended.

I went to a private Christian school for most of elementary and all of junior high. I hung out mostly with church kids and I was very naive about The Things of The World. I also desperately wanted to fit in but I just didn't.

At my school there were two groups of girls in my grade 7/8 class; there was the uber church clique-y group and the wanna-be rebel group. I just didn't really fit with either; my quick temper and sarcastic wit kept me from being holy enough for the church girls and I wasn't that interested in rebelling so I spent most of my time on the football field with the boys and few other tomboys in our small school. Until the day I tried rebelling ... accidentally.

One day, while sitting on the floor and taking notes during Bible class, one of the grade seven girls offered me a sip of her drink. I accepted. She started to laugh and asked if I liked it. I said it was okay and asked what it was. She told me it was Swamp Water.

At the end of class her friend showed me a little bottle, confessing that that's what was put into the soda. I laughed along with the girls, pretending to 'get it' but really having no clue. One of the Church Girls saw us laughing and looked into the bag. She was immediately appalled and headed straight for the Principal's office.

Long story short, I was suspended for drinking alcohol on school property. It turns out the little bottle held Creme de Menthe and the Swamp Water soda was spiked. Before I was sent home the principal sat me down in her office and had a little chat with me.

I expected her to be furious but she wasn't. If anything she was sad. She said that she knew that I didn't realise what was in that bottle but that I was being suspended along with the other girls who knowingly brought and consumed alcohol at school.

When I began to protest about how unfair the punishment was, especially because she knew I didn't know what was in the drink to begin with she stopped me cold with these five words, "But you did know ... enough." I immediately got her point.

I knew the girls to be mischievous at best, manipulative and deceptive at worst. I knew that I was following blindly in an effort to fit in and I knew that I was not One of Those Girls, I was Me; independent, intelligent, thoughtful me. I knew that I was more than that moment ... and so did my principal.

When I came back from my suspension I sat down for another chat with my principal. We talked about the person I wanted to be, the things that interested me and the talents that I had and how I was going to use them to be the best Me possible. She helped a 13 year old me discover the truth of who I was and who I was becoming.

Now, more than 20 years later, I think about that conversation and all the ones that followed often. I think about how this busy, no-nonsense, by-the-book teacher took the time to notice and know me. I remember her words of encouragement and guidance whenever I feel like I am losing my way and every time I try something, achieve something I wonder if she knows. And I hope that I am making her proud, that she knows her time and effort wasn't wasted. I hope she knows that she made a difference, that she is still making a difference.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings, 1955

It's Not a Party Until ...

... someone tosses their cookies! If that's true then Mischief's Christmas concert last night was a par-tay!

The choir post incident

Just a couple songs into the Christmas Extravaganza some poor little dude tossed his cookies, on the stage, front and center. As the staff scrambled to clean up the mess and the kids plugged their noses and shuffled away from the scene of the accident the show continued down stage ... and down wind.

I didn't see The Spewer myself but I hope this little guy is not scarred for life over this. Stuff like this happens all the time. Don't believe me? Just search 'Kids Christmas Concert' on Youtube and you will find endless videos of kids peeing, puking, passing out and crying on stage. It happens, what can you do about it?

I remember being a kid, all dressed up and psyched up for the Christmas concert. I was a bundle of nerves and I felt as though everyone was staring at me, waiting for me to make a mistake or miss a cue. I can remember the long walk on to the stage, sweat rolling down the back of my neck as butterflies filled my stomach. I can still hear the shuffle of dozens of tiny feet on the carpeted risers as we nervously schooched along the stage, making room for everyone.

And then the moment. The moment when the lights go up and the room is filled with a sea of faces, one blurring into the next. I can remember frantically scanning the crowd, looking for that one friendly face in the swarm of strangers, my mom. She was one person I knew who was just as nervous as I was even though she was sitting comfortably in the audience and not suffocating under layers of taffeta and tulle on the stage.

I would search the room, to and fro, looking past the waving hoards of other parents blowing kisses and taking pictures. I would look and look, worry growing each second that passed. why can't I see her? Why isn't she here? Maybe she got lost? Maybe she couldn't find a seat? Until the moment. The sweet, sweet moment of relief when I finally make eye contact with her, my mom. Suddenly everything is right with my world, I know that I can do this, I know that I will rock this concert. I know that because my mom is watching I can do anything. I know that this is finally a party!

Thanks Mom for always watching ... and waving!

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. ~William D. Tammeus

That's Why You Should Never Hold a Grudge!

About a month ago Dude was having an off day at school and got into a scuffle with a good friend of his. It happened again two weeks later, this time it ended with Dude being punched in the face by his pal. Dude was very mad and we were confused; this is the last thing we expected from these two guys.

It turns out that Dude was being really annoying and didn't stop when he was asked. His pal, having a bad day already, gave him a hard right hook in the jaw. Dude was hurt, embarrassed, confused and offended. He was still very upset when he got home that evening and had refused to reconcile with his friend at school.

Over dinner we tried to talk to him about the importance of forgiveness. We discussed how it wasn't right for his pal to punch him but it also wasn't right for him to ignore the repeated requests for space. We talked about how this kid has been a really good friend, how he has been patient, understanding and always on his side.

After an hour long conversation Dude began to concede. He remembered that friends, good friends, are hard to come by and throwing a friendship away over a bad decision made in a moment, becomes a bad decision that can last for a lifetime.  He was ready to forgive and ask for forgiveness although he did not really see the downside to holding a grudge ... until this past weekend.

This weekend was a big one for Canadian football fans, it was the Grey Cup! Along with all the parties and festivities that happen during the week previous to the game, the CFL holds a brunch to honour past players. This year Angelo Mosca and Joe Kapp, two football greats from the 1960s, were being celebrated.

Someone should have checked ahead of time to make sure they were ready to celebrate ... together.

Just minutes into the brunch, a fight broke out between these two CFL alumni. It was a fist fight (and there was some cane action in there, too) between two men in their seventies. A physical confrontation based on a bad hit that was made during a football game 55 years ago. A fisticuffs, at a charity luncheon, because of a grudge that's been held for more than half a century. Seriously?

"Dude, this is why you should never hold a grudge."

"Because you might beat someone up with your cane when you're old?"

"Yeah, sort of. Instead of these two men being remembered as CFL greats, they will always be known as those two old dudes who beat each other up. That's their legacy now."

"Wow! That's dumb legacy."

Yes it is ...

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.  ~Lewis B. Smedes

'Tis the Season

It snowed last week so I should have seen it coming. The kids put on a Chanukah Celebration featuring The Pajama Elf & Baby Jesus; I should have taken that as a sign. I decorated for Christmas this weekend; I was inviting trouble. I've been wearing my Magic Christmas Socks for a week, just tempting fate, so when it happened this morning, why was I so surprised?

We have the first sicky of the season ... The Cold & Flu Season.

Dude woke up this morning looking like ten miles of bad road, as my dad would say. He was blurry eyed, sniffley nosed and running for the bathroom. After spending 20 minutes leaning over the toilet, declaring his impending demise, I told him to shuffle back to bed. No school for him.

There are Christmas Carols, Chanukah Songs, music for New Year's, Chinese New Year's, Thanksgiving, Easter, Springtime, Summertime ... anytime. There is a song for almost any occasion but I can't seem to find one for this season, this Cold & Flu Season ... maybe I should write one.

(To the tune of Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes)
Sniffles and  Coughs and Runny Eyes, Runny Eyes, Runny Eyes
Sniffles and Coughs and Runny Eyes ... Fever, Aches, Sneezes and Phlegm

or

(To the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star)
Upset stomach, stuffy nose
I hate being sick, man, this blows


Or ... maybe not.

My wish for you this Cold & Flu Season is this ... May your sniffles be short, your Kleenex be plentiful and may all your children have excellent puking aim always! Be Well!!!

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

The Modern Child

Remember when you were in elementary school and there was that kid who could entertain himself for hours by picking his nose and examining what he found there? Or the kid who cried over everything? Or the one who could burp the alphabet? Or what about the kid who covered her arms and hands in self inflicted doodles? Or how about the kid who prided himself on making people run, screaming from his presence by sheer force of his self made noxious fumes?

Remember those kids? Fun times.

Or maybe you were one of those kids?

You'd think that in this day and age of techno savvy kids bombarded by adult images on every billboard and commercial kids nowadays would be much more mature and  sophisticated. Yeah ... not so much. I spent three hours on a school bus yesterday and I can tell you that there is nothing elegant or composed about the modern nine year old. They are just as goofy, gross and juvenile as kids ever were ... and proud of it!

I was one of several parent volunteers on a field trip with Crafty's school choir. When I signed up I thought I'd be hanging with Crafty and her pals and it was all good. The reality was quite different. I ended up with a couple of boys in my group and that changed everything. They weren't bad or rude boys ... it was worse ... they were typical nine year old boys.

The ride to the event wasn't too bad. I think they were lulling me into a false sense of security. Most of the kids read, drew pictures or chatted quietly among themselves during the hour and a half drive. When we arrived it was all business and the kids did great. After their performance we settled in to have lunch together ... and that's when things started to unravel!

They were subtle at first; a random tossed carrot, a stray fart sound and a few goofy faces, nothing too bad. I just chalked it up to letting off a little steam after being so nervous all morning but when we boarded the bus for the ride home everything escalated!

The same 30 or so kids who were quiet and calm on the ride in to the city erupted into a mad mob of lunatics! Paper was flying, kids were squealing and pencils were rolling down the aisle. The wee monsters were doing blow fish on the windows and flicking condensation from the windows on to their pals. An intergalactic war broke out on the seat next to me and behind me some kind of Booger Battle erupted. Kids were laughing, squealing, singing and chanting. It was chaos!

The straw that broke the camel's back ... or nose was when the space conflict was resolved and a fart contest began. That was it. That was more than I could take. Within seconds our whole section of the bus reeked! I don't know who was feeding what to those kids or what had crawled into them and died but the smell these two, sweet looking boys were able to conjure is the stuff chemicals weapons are made of! I spent the remainder of the drive breathing through a musty mitt I found in my coat pocket and it smelled like Heaven, comparatively.

The next time people complain about kids growing up too fast I am going to challenge them to an hour and a half bus ride with 30+ grade three and four student ... that should set them straight!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers

The Anti-Bullying Irritation

I have one. An Anti-Bullying Irritation. I hate anti-bullying campaigns. They seriously make me mad.

Here's the thing, I am completely against bullying behaviour. I think mean chatter, cyber humiliation, hallway intimidation, locker room taunts and any other action or word that is intended to make another person feel threatened or marginalized is wrong and unnecessary. I detest the act of 'bullying'. What I detest just as much is the isolation and vilifying of the kids who commit these acts.

All the research shows that the kids who do the bullying are the ones who have been bullied themselves. The same kids sending cruel texts, making threats on the school yard and being physically aggressive on the school bus are the same kids who are being mentally, emotionally or physically tormented in some area of their lives.

This isn't an excuse ... its a fact.

So then, if this is true, if the kids who are targeting other kids are targets themselves how is isolating them, belittling them and turning them into monsters going to help them curb this behaviour?

The act of bullying is atrocious and reprehensible. The 'bully', the kid is not. When you back a kid into a corner, when you label them and treat them with constant suspicious and negativity you block their exit. They have no way back from the bad behaviour if you label them as The Bully. They have no way to make amends and change their interactions with people if they feel like no one is rooting for them, believes in them.

Don't get me wrong, the behaviour needs to be dealt with but the kid still needs to feel acceptance and forgiveness, especially from the adults in the situation. For instance, there is a girl in Crafty's class who could be labelled as The Bully. She cannot keep her hands to herself, she does intrusive and gross things, she is constantly insulting or belittling her classmates and one of her favourite targets is Crafty. It drives me nuts that this kid is forever doing things to make Crafty's life miserable and I have spoken to the staff at the school several times about dealing with the behaviour.

I want the behaviour stopped. I want the kid helped.

When Crafty and her friends start going off about how much of a bully this kid is I stop them immediately. I let them know that they have every right to stand up from themselves, to remove themselves from harm and threat but that by labelling this kid, by looking at her only from the perspective of her negative actions, we are holding her back from changing.

What if people only looked at you from the perspective of your worst attributes? What if you had to walk through life known simply as The Liar, The Glutton, The Adulterous or The Gossip? How good would you feel about yourself? How easy would it be for you to hold your head up high and work towards change?

Yeah, that's what I thought ... and you're the grown up. Hate the behaviour, love the kid. Change the kid, eliminate the behaviour.

Its never too late to become who you might have been.
~George Eliot

Say Suicide

Suicide makes me mad so stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!

What is worth dying for? What is worth killing yourself, your dreams, your future over? What is worth devastating the people who love over? What is worth your life?

What is worth a life? What is worth making a person feel so useless, unloved and isolated over? What is worth forcing despair and humiliation on to someone? What words are worth a life?

When I hear about teens taking their own lives because of words that have been said and judgements that have been made it makes my blood boil. I can't handle it when people of any age use put downs to elevate their own self esteem. I don't understand why cruelness has become so cool and kindness so passe. I can't figure out what the long term pay off to aggression is, how does knowing that you have caused another person to feel as bad as you do make you feel better? How do you, Mean Kid, figure that your harsh words are worth the life of another person?

What's worse than kids being mean to kids is adults allowing, modelling and endorsing the very attitudes that lead to bullying. Go ahead, teach your kids morals, standards and ethics that fall in line with your beliefs but also teach them about respect and kindness. Teach them that cruelty has never turned one heart towards God. Model for them acceptance despite differences. Endorse kindness.

And Kid Who Feels Like Dying, stop it, you're scaring me! Even though you don't feel like it right now, even though you may not know it, you are stronger than this, you are loved more than this. The kid who is making your life hell, the adult who doesn't see you, the taunts that echo in your ears long after they've been said, those things won't last forever. The pain will stop, the loneliness will end. If you feel like dying, wait five minutes ... if you still feel like dying, wait five more minutes. While you're waiting tell someone. Write it down, tweet it, text it, call that one person who is always glad to see you.

Tell someone because suicide is a waste, a tragedy and senseless. It is not an answer, its an unanswerable question. Suicide doesn't fix anything, it breaks hearts. Suicide leaves a gaping hole of hurt, inadequacy and confusion where love used to live. Suicide doesn't end, it echos in the lives of the people who loved and lost.

Tell someone, a friend, a teacher, a parent a pastor. Call the stranger who is always there to help.

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868

Your life matters.
~Some Random Mother

They're Not Finished Yet

I have spent the last few days working in the high school in my town. I had mixed feelings when I accepted the shifts. I like teens and I think they are fascinating, bewildering, terrible, wonderful beings. I am frustrated and inspired by them. They have the ability to make me weep for their cruelty and shed a tear of pride for their compassion and empathy. They are a puzzle and yet they are simply nothing more then kids trying to grow up.

It was in this storm of inner conflict that I began my days as an EA in the high school and I have to say that I have really enjoyed these days I have spent mingling with the teenage masses. I could tell a dozen stories about moments that touched my heart or made me laugh over the last several days and maybe I will in the weeks to come but there is one thing that I think its important to say now; something that I was reminded of time and again this week.

Teens aren't finished yet.

They aren't finished growing, maturing, thinking, dreaming, messing up, succeeding, learning and loving. They have countless adventures, experiences and life lessons ahead of them. They are full of potential and possibility and it is our responsibility, as the adults in their world, to nurture, protect and enable their success. Its never too late to reach a kid, to make a difference in how they see their world, how they see themselves.

No matter their attitude, their words or their habits all it takes is one adult willing to give a kid the benefit of the doubt, willing to love them in spite of themselves and ready to give forgiveness before its asked for. All kids need one caring, enthusiastic adult to believe in them, hold them accountable and help them navigate through the minefield that is The Teen Years. Even the most belligerent, negative kid is capable of acts of compassion and vulnerability. I've seen it for myself. This week.

Teens need to know that within them, under all the things they don't like about themselves, is an amazing treasure and the most remarkable thing about that treasure is that it is not hidden by the things they don't like but wrapped up in it ... like a gift. Their greatness is inside of and because of all the things that they will grow through and learn from and if we, the adults, are smart enough, we'll stick around and help these fascinating, bewildering, terrible, wonderful beings walk through their life lessons. We will get to see the gift that they are before it is even discovered by them. And that is the real joy of investing a little of yourself in someone else.

I would so much like young people to have a sense of the gift that they are. Not many of them feel like that.

~ John Denver

First Day Jitters

Today is Christmas morning!

Its not, but it kind of is. Its almost the same thing though. You are full of anticipation in the days leading up to it, you get a bunch of clothes you didn't really want and before you know it its all over. It's the first day of school!

This Random Bunch handled the morning like champs. Everyone got up and did their thing and made it school on time; no tears, no fuss ... let's hope everyday goes this smoothly. Dude sauntered into the middle school like a pro, flipping his golden locks as he passed a group of seventh grade girls who were hanging out by the door. Crafty found a gaggle of girls and they cackled their way into their classrooms as soon as the bell rung and Mischief gave me kisses and said good bye at least half a dozen times. I think he forgot he was just going into grade two and not off to war!

This year was more of the same for my crew but my cousin's son is entering the unknown world of high school this year. This morning C shaped his faux-hawk, grabbed an armload of binders and marched himself into the hormone crazed hallways of High School. I can't believe it! I can't believe that that chubby little baby, that sweet toddler boy, that mischievous little guy has grown into this funny, generous, confident and kind pre-man! I'm sure he'll do great today!

I remember my first day of high school. I was so worried that I wouldn't know anyone and I would be condemned to wander the halls alone for all eternity ... but it all worked out, eventually. I think the key was calming down enough to make a decent first impression. I was very careful to not let all my dorkdom out at once and I think that helped. But sometimes, when you are making a first impression, its not your dorkiness you have to worry about ... its your family's!

Hope your first day was better than this poor guy's, C!

Happy First Day of School, Everyone!

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You!
~Dr. Suess

Stand up, Be a Grown-Up

Bullying, acts of aggression, in schools is nothing new. My dad was picked on when he was a kid, I was the brunt of many cruel jokes during my junior high years and now I see the same thoughtlessness and spite spilling out all over the hallways and playgrounds at the schools I visit. Nothing new, right? Right, except there is something new going on in schools and communities and its not good.

When I was a kid, and being picked on, I could count on the adults in my school and neighborhood to step in and break up a bullying situation. They would exercise the natural authority that adults have, send the aggressors off with a promise to contact their parents and make sure the victim of the exchange was all right. Adults were the calming force, the voice of reason, they could be relied on to be fair, in control and present. That's not always the case now.

I'm not sure when this shift started to happen but sometime between when I was a kid and when I started having kids things changed. Kids can no longer count on being safe just because an adult is around. They can't depend on the cool head, unbiased assessment and absolute authority that adults used to bring into a childhood squabble. Adults don't seem to know where they stand or how much they can say to kids these days and the result is that too many kids fall victim to acts of repeated aggression, within sight of adults, and the adults just turn their heads and keep walking.

Some adults don't want to interfere because they are intimidated by the repercussions of reprimanding some else's kid and they don't feel like the kids would listen even if they did try to intervene. Sometimes they are cautious because one or more of the kids are the children of someone popular, prominent or influential in the school or community. Other times adults don't get involved because they are busy, in the middle of something or on their way somewhere, they assume the next adult to come along will jump in. By their passivity they are condoning the continuing acts of violence, aggression and mean chatter that fill our schools and communities. They are contributing to our culture of cruelty by not standing up and speaking up and protecting all kids.

Schools are trying to teach kids to stand up for one another but I think its time we require adults to be grown ups. Its time that we, the parents, neighbors and citizens in our communities, get involved with the kids in our world. Its time to stop standing there, lamenting about society going to hell in a hand basket, its time we remember that we are the adults and a gentle but firm word can save a life, change a life and help to build character. It's time that we stand up and BE the grown ups.

This is an anti-bullying video. When you watch it imagine all of the passive observers as adults, and not children, imagine a playground, school, hockey arena, soccer field filled with passive adults watching children rip apart each others self esteem and dignity. Sound ridiculous? Yeah, it kind of does, but all too often its the reality our kids live with everyday.

Are you standing up, speaking out? Are you being a grown-up? Am I?

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.

~Albert Einstein





The Lost Boys

This weekend we packed our bags and headed out to Family Camp with the church we have been attending for the last several months. When I first mentioned this opportunity to Mr. Awesome I was joking. I thought it would be funny to tell him that I really wanted to go, knowing that he would never in a million years voluntarily go along. He has this weird thing about church camps; I think he may have watched one too many documentaries about Jonestown over the years or something.


Anyway, I told him about it and he said, “Sure … sounds like a great way to get to know more people.” Shocked and confused, I went down to the church the next day and signed us up. I didn’t expect him to go through with it, but he did. On Friday afternoon we dropped the dog off at a kennel and headed in a mostly westerly direction to join a bunch of people we didn’t know at a camp in the middle of nowhere.

And I’m so glad we did!

We spent the weekend meeting new people, hanging out with the kids and laughing. We did a lot of laughing! On Friday and Saturday night we sat around the bonfire until nearly midnight, visiting with our new pals as our children ran wild through the camp. It was amazing to see the kids make new friends and enjoy the freedom of uninhibited play in the safety of this community. It reminded me of being a kid and camping with my parents and all my cousins.

We used to play flash light tag, hide in the tall grass to scare people on their way to the bathrooms and tell spooky stories around the campfire. We had free reign of the place, we could go to the playground, head to the river to skip rocks or go frog catching behind the fish hut. We only saw our parents for meals and bedtime. It was absolute freedom, those sizzling summer days of my childhood, a freedom I never thought my kids would enjoy.

Life is different now, it has to be. There are more dangers, more threats to the safety and innocence of our children so parents have to be more present, more aware than when we were kids. We, those of us who are in our thirties now, are the last generation of the Lost Boys (and Girls), the last who will have memories of playing and riding and exploring from sun up to well past sun down free from the watchful eyes of our parents. We are the last of an aging tribe of day explorers, night runners and unabashed mischief makers.

We will have to be the memory keepers for all the kids who came before us, all the kids who shenaniganned, hijinxed and practiced all manner of prankery for generations, the kids who set the bar, made the legends and caused us to scheme and dream to lofty new heights each of our too few childhood summers. I am sad for the kids to come, that they will never know the thrill of running wild through the woods, wading knee deep in a swamp or prowling around the neighborhood after dark with their own band of adventurers, free from the prying eyes of adults.

And so, last night, as I washed the last of the grime from our weekend explorers, I said a silent prayer of thanks that my kids got at least one weekend to experience childhood in the very best sense, that they, for at least one weekend, got to be part of that fleeting tribe of Lost Boys … and Girls!

So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!



— J.M. Barrie (Peter Pan)

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.

Generous. Selfish. Educated. Ignorant. Informed. Stupid. Inspirational. Insensitive. Encouraging. Demanding. Honest. Liar. Helpful. Pompous. Supportive. Exhausting. Real. Fake.

Those are the words that were assigned to be by others in a three day span. Some were said in moments of emotional release and others in a thoughtful moments of planned conversation. Some were said to me, face to face and others were whispered behind my back. Some were said by people I have known my whole life and others by people who hardly know me at all. Some words hit their target and others missed the mark.

Words have a lot in common with sticks and stones. They both can tear something apart and they both can be used to make something great, something unstoppable. The funny thing is, it usually isn't the positive words that build the strongest character, its the harsh ones, the ones that are hard to hear, the ones that prompt us into self reflection and hopefully steer us toward self improvement.

The words people say to us can encourage us, hurt us, inspire us or can stop us dead in our tracks, but only if we let them. Each adjective that was tossed my way last week left an imprint. Some imprints were as fleeting as footprints in sand and others were branded on my heart and I will carry them with me forever. The choice is mine, which words I allow to change me, mold me and stay with me. I get to decide what the truth about me is. I am the only one who gets to write the story of my life. I am responsible for all of the success and all the failures. I set the pace and tone and direction. I decide what I am going to believe, what I am going to own, who I am going to listen to and how their words will affect me as I live my life. I am accountable for the life I lead, me and no one else.

The thing is, if we are really honest with ourselves we already know the truth about who we are. We know our strengths and weaknesses, we are aware of our success and failures. We know when we flub up, make mistakes and 'step in it' and we recognize when we have done the right thing, said the right thing. We know all this. We know that the words that hurt the most are the ones that are closest to the truth and that the words that give us strength are directed at areas we have been working to improve.  For all our righteous indignation or humble demeanor, we know the truth of who we are, what we are capable of and what course our life is on and nothing anyone says to us or about us has the power to change that unless we let it. For better or for worse, we know the truth.

Sticks and stones can break things but they can also build castles and cathedrals ... so can words.

Just sayin'


Words have the power to destroy or heal. When words are true and kind, they can change the world.



--- Buddha

An Open Letter to the Kid in the Principal’s Office

Dear Kid,


Today you had an idea that went awry. Obviously, this is not how you thought things would turn out when you had that idea, said that thing, made that joke. Or maybe you knew that this is exactly where you would end up but you couldn’t help yourself, you just had to do it, try it, say it, anyway.

If this is your first time sitting here you are probably sweating it out a little, worried that everyone is mad at you, afraid of what your parents will do when they find out. If this is not your first time you are probably feeling all that and more. You might be mad at the teacher who sent you here. You might feel embarrassed, angry and hurt … and probably a little dumb for getting yourself in a bit of hot water again. But let me tell you a little secret, this won’t be the last mistake you ever make!

As you grow and mature you will make tons of mistakes, some will land you right back where you are now, others no one but you will ever know about. You will say and do things that are thoughtless, that seem like a good idea at the time, things that you hope will make you liked, popular and cool. Sometimes a wave of stupidity will over take you and other times you will wind up in a mess and have no idea how you got there. It’s life, Baby, and it happens to all of us.

Look around you right now, every grown up you see has been in trouble just like you. They have all made bad decisions, have hurt someone’s feelings and have had to face the consequences. Their mistakes are not all in the past, some are in the present and many more are in the future, just waiting to happen. Everyone makes mistakes and has to deal with the fall out afterwards but the funny thing is we all survive and if we are smart, we’ll probably learn something along the way.

That’s the important part, the learning. How you handle yourself after you walk out of the principal’s office, what you choose to hear and learn from while you are in there; that will be the deciding factor on the kind of person you will become. You can decide to be angry and blame other people for the mess you are in or you could decide to face the music, learn and make amends. Some famous smart guy once said that the only real mistakes are the ones we don’t learn from.

When you walk out of here today, you are going to feel embarrassed, nervous and maybe a little ashamed. Hold your head up, apologize and move on. Don’t let the anger over take you, don’t get a chip on your shoulder. Make the amends you need to make but do not where this mistake as a badge of shame. Don’t let it define you. You are not a bad kid. You tried something dumb and you made a mistake. That’s it.

Chin up, Champ. You are smart, talented and have a lot to offer … just keep learning and striving to be better tomorrow than you are today and you’ll turn out just fine!

The Secret of Becoming a Cool Kid

At some point in every grown person's life they have wanted to be a cool kid, or at least hang out with the cool kids thus being cool by association. Some of us achieved some level of cool during our adolescence and others not so much. Some found our dorky niche with others of like kind and were fine with that, others never did find our groove and spent their youth in a solitary funk.

We tell kids that it gets better as we grow up, and for the most part it does, primarily due to our ability to cope, understand what really matters and make friends of substance. We grow up, develop skills, a career and settle into ourselves, leaving the dorky years behind us ... or so we think.

As much as I try to be confident and comfortable in my own shoes, I still find myself revisiting my dorkhood from time to time. I'm not sure what it is but some people bang the drum, sound the alarm and draw out my inner dork every time I'm around them. Maybe its my insecurities or their radiating coolness or a combination of both but I can almost feel my overbite reforming and my hair frizzing as I attempt to make conversation with them. The whole interaction is filled with me second guessing and editing my own comments to the point that I am an awkward stuttering mess while they look for the quickest escape route.

I, all to easily, confirm what we both knew before we entered into the conversation. I'm a dork and there's nothing that can be done about it. But, there's hope, I have discovered that all is not as it seems.

I have come to believe that we are all dorks, deep down inside. Even the most confident, talented, cool-under-pressure, charismatic person has an inner dork lying dormant inside of them. Don't believe it? Ask to see their grade seven school picture and you'll see, its true. We are all dorks, some of use are just better at taming The Dork Beast. Some find a way of suppressing the urge to dork and walk through life with a confidence that si to be envied. But I have discovered a trick that I think just might work!

The next time you are standing in front of a 'cool kid,' flubbing your way through a conversation, picture them as their dorky 13 year old self. Visualize the acne, the braces and the mullet. See their too short acid wash jeans, picture them on their way to band class with their clarinet or to debate club with a gaggle of other geeks. Once you see them in all their dorky glory, blink twice and see them as they are now, poised, confident, clear skinned, de-mulleted and realise they are no longer living the dork. They grew up and grew out of that insecurity ... and so did you.

Your overbite, frizzy hair, teased bangs and collection of panda bear sweatshirts are long gone. You are smart and funny and talented. You have seen things, experienced life and have every right to be respected and heard for the person you are, not boxed into the stereo type of the person you were. The dork is no more. You are a cool kid ...

Oh, you still here? I thought I was alone ...

Well ... all this goes for you to! Be the cool that you are!

Being a Rock Star in a Princess World

Earlier this week my friend posted on Facebook that her daughter said she wanted to be a rock star but all her friends wanted to be princesses. I thought it was really cute that she wanted to be unique from her friends but later I found out that she wasn't being cute or spunky. She was sad because she didn't feel like she fit in with everyone else. And that got me thinking, so kids this one is for you ...

We say that 'it gets better' when you're an adult but that isn't the truth, at least its not the whole truth. Things never really change, there are always people who ride the latest trends, no matter how trivial or bizarre, and if you don't jump on the bandwagon with them then you feel like you are left in their dust. There are always the people who think they are 'the cool kids' and judge others by appearances rather than by merit and even competent, gifted, secure adults feel like awkward dorks from time to time. There are always people lurking around, waiting for you to fail so they can be the first one to laugh and say 'I told you so.' There will always be negative, hurtful yahoos who thrive off of making other people feel small and insignificant. The thing that gets better is you.

As you get older you will find your place. You will explore your gifts, talents and strengths. You will know your goodness. You will discover all that you are capable of and draw a line between that which you will and will not do. You will carve out your niche, become the person you want to be and live the life you are destined to live. You will have moments of personal greatness, devastating failure and victorious comebacks. You will work, struggle and fight for your dreams and you will know the sweetness of success. You will learn the value of rising above and being a person of integrity and honour. Joy and Peace and Hope will be your constant companions in this life and because of that you will never be lonely.

But before all that, before the finding, the discovering, the success and the joy you have to make a decision. You have to decide, in this moment, and every moment of consequence that will follow, to be better. You have to decide that trends matter far less than good character. You have decide to be the kid who speaks up for the kid being pushed around in the hallways at school. You have to decide to respect your parents, teachers, neighbors and anyone else willing to care enough to instruct you. You have to open your mind to learn from others, to learn from your own mistakes. You have to decide to be a good citizen, a good friend, a good student, a good son/daughter, a good example. You have to decide to be better, to do better.

Sound like a heavy load to carry? It's not. It all comes down to this ... give people the acceptance, opportunities and second chances you wish you had. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's not magic, it's just being a decent human being. And if you are a decent human being, you will attract other decent human beings and then it won't be a princess world anymore. It will be a princess, rock star, super hero, accountant, bus driver, teacher, guinea pig hunter world and there will be a place for each one of us ... and then it will be better.

~Rock on, M. S. ... rock on!