Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Moments of Random Craziness

I have a cousin who is very gentle, sweet and laid back. If you were to meet her you would never guess that she has a crazy streak bubbling just under the surface of her calm exterior. She has bouts of ridiculous rage. Strange things set her off and so, as a good and loving cousin I try to help her with this rage by exposing her to her triggers to help desensitize her. It's not just me, her siblings and other cousins join in this 'shock therapy' but so far we've had little success. No matter how often we point out sweatpants with words across the bum, hide Boobahs in her bed or have people perform magic tricks for her she still can't seem to get over her moments of random craziness.

I have a few moments of random craziness myself. I know, you would have never guessed! It's true, I do. I go a little nutty when people don't buckle their kids into their car seats, park like morons in a crowded lot, drive like they are in a parade on the 10 block stretch between schools in the morning or dress their toddlers like trashy club-hoppers. Sound reasonable? I thought so, too. I have to confess, though, that I also experience craziness over less, shall we say, mainstream issues.

It drives me nuts when  people who are not British use British slang ALL THE TIME. You are not freaking British, you have never been to England, in fact you have never been out of Prairie Town, Canada, so zip it! For that matter, I get annoyed anytime anyone adopts an accent. Its one thing if you have spent significant time in another country and your speech is slightly altered but if I saw you two weeks ago and you were normal and now you have somehow attained a Boston accent, I think you're cracked and you know you're cracked, so just drop it!

I also get a little worked up when people put clothes on their pets. Its an animal, folks ... God gave it fur, it does not need a t-shirt that looks like a tuxedo or a tutu ... it's an animal, for crying out loud! Oh, and just so you know, you are a pet owner not a doggie mommy! Yesh! While we are on the topic of ridiculous fashion, if you have a bald child, embrace the baldness. DO NOT glue, tape or otherwise affix bows and ribbons to your infant's head. And for Pete's sake, do not make the poor child suffer with an antenna ponytail on the top of her head! Wait for the hair, real, substaintial hair, it will eventually grow...until then put a hat on the kid, if you must do something about the baldness.

Social networking also makes me crazy. It is like a wide open gallery of bad spelling, worse grammar and free range ghetto talk from rural white kids. Seriously, your facebook status is not the same as texting so don't use 'tho' 'c u' 'ttyl' and all that crap. Learn how to spell, embrace the English language and actually type out full words and sentences! Another thing, don't trash talk your parents, ex or random annoying people in your status ... nobody wants to hear it. No one wants to log in and waste their precious time wasting time reading about your good-for-nothing baby-daddy, psychotic mother or back stabbing friends. Keep it light and funny and the people will love you for it!

I could go on (seriously, I could ... I haven't even touched on my Twitter pet peeves!) but instead I am opening the floor to you ... I'm calling this Whiny Wednesday and asking you, "What causes your moments of random craziness?"

**No lazy-baby daddy rants please**

1 comment:

Garth said...

Merge lanes vs yields... Yields belong at a 4 way intersection where 2 ways are straight through and the other two must yield to oncoming traffic. They ARE NOT for lanes where people to stop and decide if they should or should not merge with traffic.

Oh yeah - speaking of traffic. Idling vehicles are the big concern of friggin tree-hugging goof balls - so rather than speeding up traffic by finding ways to alleviate stopped traffic... oh maybe by finding ways of eliminating traffic lights, our wise eco-friendly politicians decide to put up more traffic lights at the stupidest places - like the new ones going up between Grassie and Springfield on Lag!

Speaking of stupidest places - does ANYONE have any idea why they - the people who are in charge of city planning/infrastructure - completely messed up Waverly by putting in that moronic "detour" into Waverly West? Or why Peguis St. was angled into Concordia creating a new traffic jam? Or why Chief Pequis Trail is being routed across Springfield - adding lights there, rather than creating the curve and having Springfield/Chief Peguis merge together?

Or.... the list is too long...