Friday, December 2, 2011

The Bad News

For the past couple of weeks I have been running to and from the clinic and the hospital, meeting with doctors and surgeons and nurses, having tests and scans done and there are still more to come. I actually have a theory. All of this blood work and all of these scans have nothing to do with cancer at all, I think they are going to clone me. Either that or they are making a wax figure of me for Madame Tussauds. Seriously.

Anyway, while at one of my pre-op appointments the nurse slipped me a list of things I need to do to get ready for surgery and that's when I got the devastating, life altering news. My life as I know it will be changed forever, well, at least for a month. No coffeejuice allowed.

Someone tried to warn me a month or so ago and I just thought they were being mean. Someone else said I'd have to cut it out around the time of the surgery and I thought, "What do they know, they're just a nurse?" It wasn't until I was sitting there, in the doctor's office, staring at the list of pre-op instructions that I realised the gravity of the situation.

Cancer is going after my precious coffeejuice!

It is already taking my breast, its threatening to take my hair, its sucking up a year of my time and altering the plans I have for holidays, birthdays and celebrations and now it wants my coffeejuice! Its just too much! I don't think I can take it!

Being a good girl, who wants to recover as fast as possible, I am taking the doctor's instructions to heart. I am starting to ween myself off The Precious. I joked with the nurse that I'll just quit when I'm in hospital, I'll have morphine for the first couple of days so that'll take care of the coffee withdrawal headache but she said no dice; even morphine is no match for the head imploding pain of caffeine withdrawal. She recommended that I start weening myself now.

My plan is to be down to two cups a day by early next week and then I'll start switching out those two to decafs and eventually to tea and then by my surgery, on December 19th, I'll be down to just decaf tea. I hope.

My coffeejuice exile isn't permanent though, its just for three weeks. So I am declaring Tuesday, January 10 international Return to The Precious Day. That morning I will have my first coffeejuice of the new year and celebrate reclaiming my life ... one sip at a time.

Wish me luck!

Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised. ~Star Trek: Voyager


Cat Connor said...

OMG! Seriously - it's going after the coffee juice? So not cool.

You can do this though... probably knowing there is a date for the return of the precious will help. xxx

Dizzydooty said...

Yeah, weaning is the way to go... coffeejuice withdrawal is fierce.