Balancing Out Bias

At the beginning of last school year Crafty became friends with a boy in her class, Spark - and she was thrilled! He had many of the same interests as her and they shared the same off-beat sense of humour. They enjoyed spending time together at school, talking and joking about their favourite movies and books but in October of that year they hit a road bump in their friendship. They had a disagreement about a favourite book and that disagreement turned into a fracture in their friendship.

The resource teacher sat down with Crafty and Spark to talk things out and from Crafty's point of view, even though her pal was clearly wrong, this didn't have to be a deal breaker in their friendship. She felt that they could agree to disagree and move on. And they tried to do just that but every time they disagreed about anything Spark would go back to that first disagreement as proof that they were never friends.

By Christmas they were no longer on speaking terms. More than that, their disagreements had turned physical. Spark had started accusing Crafty of staring at him, following him and spreading rumours about him. He would (in Crafty's opinion) randomly yell at her in the hallways. And Spark had started jabbing Crafty with pencils, kicking her knees out from under her as she stood at her locker and shove her as he passed by in the hallway. And Crafty was responding with the same intensity - and hating herself afterwards.

Again in January, the resource teacher, the principal, Crafty and Spark sat down to try to resolve what was going on (I had called the school and talked with Spark's parents too by this time). Crafty laid out her complaints and asked Spark to just leave her alone. Crafty committed to minding her own business and staying away from Spark and asked Spark to do the same. Spark then said all sorts of ugly things about Crafty being stupid, a freak and deserving whatever she got because she had been gossiping about him, saying things about his family and using racial slurs. Crafty was confused and hurt and angry about these allegations as she swore she never said any of the things she was accused of.

At this point the school felt the situation was he-said-she-said and decided to have an EA with each of the kids most of the time they were at school. But the situation continued to escalate. Crafty came home from school regularly angry, bruised and hurt. She was repeatedly attacked in the school hallway (one time a pregnant teacher stepped in between the students as Spark punched Crafty in the head twice and another time the resource teacher had to hold Spark back and tell Crafty to run, for her safety) and I was constantly at the school looking for answers and help for my girl.

Daily, Spark would humiliate, yell at or make threats against Crafty. Crafty, with the support of her EA, stopped responding to the threats and attacks. She had developed the heart-breaking habit of never looking up for fear of accidentally glancing in Spark's direction and thus causing another assault. Spark continued to make threats, violent threats, against Crafty. He repeatedly threatened to stab her, taunted her by letting her know that he knew where she lived and bragged to other students that he had her terrified. Spark told me, in front of the principal and resource teacher, that he planned to stab Crafty enough times to hospitalize her but not kill her. And the more Crafty tried to avoid him, the angrier and more persistent Spark would become. He would watch her come down the hallways, looking for an opportunity to yell at her, hit her or attack her - and then blame her for it.

Crafty survived til the end of the school year and we spent two months trying to figure out how we were going to proceed in the new school year. We hoped that two months off school and away from each other would allow things to cool off but when the school year started so did the attacks. Three times in the first four weeks of school Spark came to Crafty's locker, screamed at her for being a stalker and a creep and then physically attacked her. After the third attack, with Crafty bruised and scratched, the new school administrator finally understood the severity of the situation.

And then it happened again.

For 16 months Crafty lived (and still lives) in terror of Spark. It has changed how she sees herself, her community and her place in the world. She alternates between blaming herself for bringing these attacks on herself (as she has been accused repeatedly of provoking these attacks even though witnesses and video surveillance proves otherwise) and being furious at Spark for doing this to her. Crafty never goes out alone. She doesn't go for walks or bike rides, she is afraid to go with me to the grocery store for fear of running in to Spark or his parents (on two occasions Spark's dad has yelled at me in public for not keeping my kid under control, for allowing her to provoke his son into these fits).

We are shocked. Angry. Hurt. Outraged. Disgusted.

Are you?

Oh - just one thing. This didn't happen to our daughter , Crafty. It happened to our son, Dude.

And Spark is a girl.

Are you still angry? Or did the gender reversal catch you up a bit? I respect the school and principal who worked with the kids last year. And I understand that when you are mediating situations nothing is ever black and white but I wonder if the situation would have gone on this long if the roles had been reversed, if Dude was the perpetrator and Spark the victim. I wonder if it would have taken so long to get to the truth, if Dude would have been given as many allowances and second chances despite continual violent behaviour . I wonder if Dude would have only received single day suspensions for attacking a female student - unprovoked - in the hallway. I wonder.

My point in sharing this is not to blame the school or any individual but to put a spotlight on our biased and our double standards. I saw this video on Facebook and it got me thinking … would I have done all the same things, trusted the school to handle the situation, kept the police out of it and given the same advice if it was Crafty and not Dude in this situation? I don't know.

Actually, I do know. There's no way I'd send my girl into a situation like that for 16 months. I would have jumped in with both feet much earlier. I would have protected her better. I would have advocated for her harder. And, I believe, I would have been heard earlier.

We all have bias. We all look at the world through our own life experience and perspective. We all have been affected by social norms and niceties. We all have bias towards and against things. That's just who we are.

But we can all change.

What if the boys in this video had hit the girl? What if they had kicked, spit or slapped the girl? Would you have been appalled and angered? You bet! And I would have too! But what if this video showed a group of girls being asked to hit a boy? Do you think they would have responded with the same gentleness as the boys did? Maybe. Would you have been outraged if they hadn't? Possibly. Maybe. Maybe not.

All I'm saying here is that we should question our perspective. Challenge ourselves to stretch equality both ways, to provide protection without bias and offer respect regardless of gender stereotypes. If we want our boys to grow to be men, real loving, caring, responsible, respectful men then we need to love, care and respect them as boys.

And if we want our girls to grow to be strong, independent, confident women then we need to teach them that violence is weak and meanness is a cop-out. True strength is born in character, not force and confidence is birthed in caring. Kindness is cool. Kindness is beautiful. Kindness is strong.

Silent No More

Yesterday, Dude and Crafty's school celebrated National Pink Shirt Day. This day began a number of years ago when a boy in Nova Scotia wore a pink t-shirt to school and was bullied for it. The next day a couple of classmates showed up at school with 50 pink t-shirts to hand out to the other boys in the school. That day they sent the message, loud and clear, that bullying was not okay. These kids became part of the solution in their school and now Dude and Crafty have become part of the solution in their school, too.

Most kids have felt that they've been bullied at some point during their school career but for us, because of Autism lives with us, dealing with the aftermath of bullying becomes nearly a full time job. Not only are kids on The Spectrum a fairly easy target of meanness but they have a much more difficult time understanding the why and the what next of bullying. Because kids on The Spectrum don't pick up on social cues and nuances everything everything has to be explained in detail and are often best received when explained as 'rules'. The problem arises then when everyone doesn't follow the 'rules'.

Dude working tech for the assembly

For instance, Dude was having issues with a classmate. She was offended by the way he expressed himself and she had begun to lash out at him, verbally and physically. He was absolutely frustrated and confused at her behaviour. When the principal sat them both down to talk our their issues, Dude was shocked to hear that he was offensive when, in his mind, he was just being honest. She asked if he liked her drawing. He said 'no' because he doesn't like cats. She was talking to friends about Lord of the Rings and said dwarves are better than Elves but, according to Dude, that's simply not true because Elves are excellent archers - and he told her so. These types of exchanges went on for a while, understandably, frustrating her to the point of near insanity.

When the principal explained that although Dude was speaking the truth, from his perspective, he was being unkind and tunnel visioned in his delivery. As soon as he realized that he bore some of the responsibility to the friendship breakdown he apologized and waited for forgiveness and an apology from his classmate for her part.

He waited.

And waited.

...

Then he blew up. He was hurt and appalled that he was playing by the rules, as explained to him by us, and his classmate wasn't. She refused to forgive him and absolutely refused to apologize for her behaviour toward him. The conversation ended with the rift unresolved.

Dude came out of the school that day spewing venom about his classmate and friendship in general. It took us hours to talk him down and reason with him. We tried to explain the unexplainable. We tried to reason the unreasonable. By the end of our two hour conversation we were able to get him to accept that not all families have the same rules to relationships, and not all kids respond the way their parents would like them too (including him,sometimes!), but in This Random Family we do our best to be kind, forgive and move on.

He generally accepts this for friendships gone awry but when he becomes the target of aggressive kids that he has no connection with or previous interactions with, he is dumbfounded. He doesn't understand how someone can be randomly mean to someone else. He doesn't know why he is the target when he hasn't done or said anything to the aggressors. He can't find sense to the cruel and malicious behaviour.

We've told him there is no reason and it doesn't make sense but there is something he can do about it. He can be part of the solution. He can stop being a bystander, he can stop turning a blind eye to other targets. He can stand up and speak out - against cruelty, against injustice, against bullying.

Crafty and her pal reviewing their speech

So Dude and Crafty and four of their friends formed a small yet mighty band of school changers. They came together with support of teachers and parents and decided to make a change in their school. These spark of change has become a movement and today they invited the entire school to join them, to be the change.

This group of grade 6 and 8 students found a slogan, designed t-shirts, wrote speeches, produced a video and honed their message. They hosted a school wide assembly and together they stood in front of their 500+ classmates and asked them to Stand Up and Speak Out with them.

Because of their intense sense of justice, Dude and Crafty both understood the importance of standing up for what is right - they just didn't realize that they could do it, right in their own school, right now. They didn't know that their friends would support them. They didn't know that a group of ragtag middle schoolers could turn the heads of the entire community and shine a light of truth and friendship wherever they go. They didn't know that they, and their pals, could change the culture of their school.

They didn't know but we did. We, who know the greatness inside them, the depth of their caring and their desire to be a friend and have a friend. We, who love their quirkiness and celebrate their individuality. We, who know that when you play to their strengths their potential is limitless.

When Dude was first diagnosed seven years ago we were told that he would never feel or give love and he would never be able to feel or express empathy. We were devastated and discouraged but as time went on we realized that the psychiatrist was wrong. He only knew what Autism could take but he didn't know the strength of heart inside of our boy. He didn't know that he loves so much that it overwhelms him, that he cares so much that his heart aches and that he empathizes so much that he physically feels the pain of others. He didn't know - but we did.

If you are blessed enough to have a special kid like this as part of your life, play to their strengths, support them, challenge them and encourage them. Tell them they have a voice and show them how to use it. Show them that they can make a difference, that they are agents of change. And love them. Love them. Love them. Love them.

Love them enough to teach them to play by the rules, even if no one else does.

Silence in the face of evil is itself evil.
~Dietrich Bonhoeffer


Here's link to one of the local news stories from yesterday.

We Stand to Honour

This morning I was in Dude and Crafty's school when the national anthem was played. I was standing in a hallway with half a dozen grade five boys who decided chatting and dancing through the anthem was appropriate. In the split second it took for me to decide how I, the adult on the scene, was going to address this I had a flashback of the day my own Enlightening occurred and what an impact it made on me.

I was in the ninth grade and it was early in the year. I was still trying to decide what I thought of my very tall, kind of hairy, basketball obsessed homeroom teacher, Mr. Kennedy. He wore ties with ducks on them and had a poster of Larry Bird above his desk. He also had this weird thing with Canada; he called it patriotism.  It all seemed a little sketchy to me.

Like I said, I was in the ninth grade, 14 years old and stubborn as all get out. I had recently injured my knee and truth be told, I was totally milking it. And he knew it but it wasn't until the morning I refused to stand at attention for 'O Canada' that he called me on my attitude and schooled me on showing proper respect.

I stood for the anthem but leaned on my chair. Apparently I wasn't the only slacker that morning. After the anthem was finished, Mr. Kennedy informed our class that we would stand for an additional five minutes and we would stand at attention. No leaning. No slouching. At the end of the five minutes he informed us that we had earned our disrespectful selves another five minutes at attention because of the chatter, sighing and leaning that filled the previous five minutes.

I said, 'no.'

I claimed that my knee was too sore to stand for another five minutes and I was certainly incapable of standing without leaning on my chair. Although my knee was achy, the truth was that I was bored and decided that this was the moment I was going to make my power play. This was my moment to put this unconventional teacher in his place. He quietly walked toward me, removed my chair and said, 'you will stand.' I looked him in the eye said 'no' again. He stared right back at me. I cracked and tears began to roll down my cheeks. He walked back to his desk and started the clock.

For the full five minutes I silently cried. Not because my knee hurt but because my pride hurt. He called my bluff and I was embarrassed. At the end of the five minutes, in which not a soul moved or breathed, he returned my chair and told us all to have a seat. He then spent the next several minutes explaining the words in the national anthem, the legacy of Canadian soldiers and how our small act of daily remembrance is important so that none of us ever forget the great price that was paid for the life we live.

He finished his talk with these words, "Boys not much older than you gave up their lives so that you can live freely in this great country, the least you can do is stand for three minutes a day and remember them."

Mr. Kennedy was the first person and only person I can ever remember explaining the significance of our anthem and the importance of standing with respect and remembering, honouring, those who fought for our freedom. From that moment to this, if ever I have wasted an opportunity to remember and honour during our national anthem I have felt guilty, like I have cheapened the gift of freedom.

So this morning, as I told the boys to stand at attention and stop talking, I thought of Mr. Kennedy, of the brave men and women who fought, on the battlefield and in the legislature, throughout our nation's history to bring freedom and protect her citizens. I thought, I honoured and I wondered. I wondered if these kids understand. If they understand the price of freedom, the gift of freedom. I wondered if they have ever been told that the simple act of standing at attention for three minutes is our small gift back.

 I wonder.

We only need to look at what we are really doing in the world and at home and we'll know what it is to be Canadian.
~Adrienne Clarkson

Knowing When to Say When

For all my talk about being calm and reasonable even I have moments of stupid paranoia and mama bear defensiveness.

We went to Dude's parent/teacher interview last night. We were running late, the kids were a little nutty and Dude was stressed about the meeting so he was slightly random, obsessive and difficult to reason with. I was annoyed by the ordeal that it was to leave the house that evening and instead of dealing with that issue, I channelled my frustration into my thoughts regarding the report card. I was genuinely confused by the vague comments in the report card and by how the grading system worked but I allowed my confusion to morph into misdirected irritation. So to say I wasn't in the best frame of mind when I entered the school is an understatement.

Thankfully, the resource teacher was standing in the front hall when we arrived. She asked about his report card and I 'expressed' (or spewed) my frustrations. She listened and calmly reminded me that we discussed much of what was in the report during an earlier meeting. She was very rational and very right in everything she said and it annoyed me. For some crazy reason I wanted to be annoyed, I was geared up and ready to defend my kid, even though it was completely unnecessary.

The resource teacher offered to come to the meeting with us and I accepted. As we walked down the hall to Dude's class I took a deep breath, counted to ten and exhaled. I reminded myself to trust the staff and to relax, not every meeting needs to be a struggle. I told myself that I was behaving like a crazy person and I agreed.

Anyway, the meeting was terrific. All my angst was for nothing. It was a shadow habit from past experiences of trying to get staff to understand the extent of Dude's needs. These people, the current staff at this school, may not know everything but they are honestly trying to really know my kid and help him to succeed ... and I have to get out of their way.

Sometimes we get so used to duking things out on the behalf of our kids we don't even recognize when teachers are on the ball, engaged and working well with our kids. It's like that old Kenny Roger's song, you have to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. As a parent you need to know when to say when, know when you need to step in and when you need to step out of the way. And if you have done your job right, if you have a good working relationship with the school and you have good communication with your kid, stepping back should be as easy as exhaling.

I think we may safely trust a good deal more than we do. ~Henry David Thoreau

The Tricks of the Trade

Over the past few days I have had several emails and phone calls from friends who are nervous about attending the dreaded parent/teacher interviews that are coming up. I'm not sure what it is, but nothing makes a grown, confident, professional person feel more like a naughty school kid than meeting with a teacher. Maybe its the tiny, primary coloured chairs you have to squeeze yourself into or the smell of the white board markers mixed with the smell of the glue sticks and erasers that sends you into an elementary school flashback? And then add in the anxiety over discussing the strengths and weaknesses of your kid and it all becomes too much for the average parent.

But I am no average parent ... I am Super Some Random Mother!

No, not really, I've just done this a lot! Since Dude started school six years ago, I have had roughly a thousand meetings with teachers, principals and other school division employees and I have learned a few things along the way. I still get nervous and afraid I am going to forget what I want to say but over the years I have picked up a couple of tricks that help me survive these meetings, and more than survive, have a positive outcome. Here are a couple of things I do for every meeting I attend ...

     *Before the meeting, I take a few minutes and make notes about what I want to say, my impression of the report card, IEP or whatever aspect of my kids' education we are going to be discussing. If I have a specific concern, I try to come up with a few examples to demonstrate my point. If I have had conversations outside of the set meeting time with the staff I try to jot down a few notes after each one so when it comes time for the meeting I have all of the information ready and can easily refer back to my notes during the discussion.

     *Before the meeting, I also spend some time practicing the words I am going to use to discuss more sensitive issues. I know this sounds kind of silly but I want to make sure that my words do not sound like an attack because in my experience teachers who feel as though they are under attack become defensive (just like all of us!) and then its difficult to have a proper dialogue together. I also work at being relaxed and focused, at choosing my battles and reminding myself that the person sitting across from me at this meeting is, in fact, a person with thoughts, feelings and (I believe) good intentions. I prioritize my concerns. I try to take the things that are mere annoyances off the table and only discuss the things that are real issues because if I make a mountain out of every molehill school staff will be less likely to take my big concerns seriously.

     *At the meeting the first thing I do is pull out a notebook and a pen. I make sure to take notes on everything that is discussed for two reasons. I want to make sure that I have all the information on hand in case we need to discuss the issue again or if I need to relay the conversation to a third party (my spouse or the principal). The second reason I take notes is that in my experience if a teacher sees a parent engaged enough in their child's education to take notes during a meeting they will be less likely to be flippant and make empty promises. They will mirror their response to the level of concern and interest you display during the meeting.
   *During the meeting, I STAY CLAM! Seriously, that is the biggest favour you can do for yourself and your child. Wigging out at the teacher helps no one. Be respectful, hear what the teacher is saying and try not to read into their words or put added meaning to them. Engage in the conversation from the perspective that the teacher has good intentions, even if you really don't think they do. Plant your sticks (see earlier post for stick planting theory), see and treat the teacher as if they were already the kind, compassionate and interested teacher you want them to be because if they really are that kind of person they will appreciate the recognition and if they're not then you have just raised the bar and they know it.

     *At the end of the meeting I thank the teacher, thank them for their time and thank them for the good job they are doing.

    *After the meeting, give the teacher a couple of weeks to respond to your concerns. Give some time to see new programs or procedures work. If after three or so weeks you feel that things haven't changed then talk to the teacher again, remind them, gently, of what you discussed at the meeting and give them a chance to respond. If you still feel as though things are not being handled send an email to the principal with your concerns and cc it to the teacher. 99% of all issues can be solved at the school level so give it time but stay involved.

There are two other things I do outside of 'conference time' that  make all the difference. Firstly, I volunteer, get involved and stay informed. I build a relationship with staff before issues arise because once they see my dedication to my kids, know me as a person and understand where I am coming from they respect my concerns much more. The other thing I do is I contact the teacher when concerns arise, when I have a question, before I am upset. Teachers welcome phone calls and emails from parents. They would much rather hear from you when you first have a question rather than after you've waited few months until conference time when you are upset, angry and disappointed.  Teachers care about their students, want them to succeed and want to have a good working relationship with parents.

Those are the basic rules I live by when dealing with the school. I always try to approach my relationship with my children's educators from a place of respect and understanding. We are a team and have to operate as a team to achieve the best success for my kids. There are no sides ... just a group of people working hard to steer a generation of kids in the right direction.

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it. ~H.E. Luccock

Small Words, Big Impact

Parents are strange creatures. They can complain and whine about their children but as soon as they perceive that someone else thinks that their kids are less than perfect they start flapping their wings and running around like Chicken Little, fretting and blaming and chirping to whoever will listen to them. Sadly the people who often bare the brunt of all this flapping and clucking are teachers.

Teachers are the poor souls who have to educate and evaluate children and then explain the results of the educating and evaluating to parents. Teachers have to walk the fine line between honesty and sensitivity, they have to bring up concerns but balance their concerns with praise. More often than not teachers are slammed for 'picking on' or 'not understanding' or 'not caring' about their students and that is simply not true.

I have spent a lot of time in schools over the past six years and I have to say the vast majority of teachers want the best for their students, they want to educate them, inspire them and see them succeed. In all of the dealings we have had with the school division we have only ever encountered one teacher, one classroom teacher out of more than thirty teachers we have worked with, who had given up and was more concerned with her own needs than the needs of her students. 1 in 30+.

That one teacher was incredibly difficult to deal with and made the whole year nightmarish but we have also seen how one stellar teacher can make all the difference in the world. Most teachers aren't monsters or saints, most fall somewhere in between those two extremes. Most do their best to juggle the needs of their students with their own needs (like seeing their own kids and spouses). Most do the best with what they have and honestly folks, teachers work miracles everyday considering the lack of resources they often have.

I was working as a substitute EA today in Dude's school. I spent the day in grade five, across the hall from Dude's class working with a teacher I had only met once before. I was so impressed by how well he knew his students, their strengths, weaknesses and quirks. He was able to engage each one of his 24 students in classroom discussions, problem solving and a nature walk. It was clear that all of the kids loved him and respected him.

At the end of the day I had the chance to talk to him a little about his philosophy of teaching and again I was impressed. After listening to him talk about teaching his students to respect the planet, accept each other and explore their world, as well as how much he wants to spark their imaginations inside the classroom, I was nearly speechless. I was absolutely blown away by how much this teacher actually thinks about his students and their futures.

When the bell rang, he thanked me for helping out in his class and I thanked him for being a creative, engaging mentor for his students. He was a little taken aback and unsure of what to say. So I said,

"Seriously, I see that you take that extra time to know your students. I see that you want to inspire them and encourage them in everything that they do and as a parent I have to say thank you. Thank- you for being present and interested in these kids."

"Thank you for seeing the effort, that means a lot."

The words 'thank you' are not big words but they can leave a lasting impact when spoken with sincerity. I challenge you, the next time you are sitting at a parent teacher meeting or having a conversation with a teacher about your kid, thank them for taking the time to know your kid and care enough to talk with you. Trust me, its way easier for them to skip the tough conversations but they don't ... because they care.

Awed, Amazed and Inspired

I just spent the morning at Dude's Winter Concert rehearsal and I am awed, amazed and inspired by the teachers at his school. By all teachers, really.

As I sat there, praying the props I made didn't fall apart during the performance, I watched the hive of activity in the auditorium in absolute wonder. One teacher was walking through the risers making kids spit their gum into a Styrofoam cup while another teacher tried to sort out the order that the kids were to stand in. Another teacher was on the stage reviewing lines with the actors while yet another was adjusting mics and props. A few EAs were straightening chairs and mopping up the quickly melting snow from the aisle while a few more helped a group of students finish up their homework from the previous night. Still more teachers and EAs were putting up decorations, hanging up coats, picking up stray mitts and hats, handing out kleenex and a myriad of other tasks. And in the center of it all was the music teacher who was calmly giving directions and answering dozens of questions at once.

As I watched the teachers and students pull together their performance I thought about the general chaos and busyness of this season. We all have a million things on our plates, a never ending list of places to be, things to buy and treats to bake. We rush around in a flurry of activity trying our best to hold onto our holiday spirit as we scurry about making last minute preparations. We are all busy but teachers, I think, have twice the pressure.

Not only do they have their own families and children to care for but they also have the added responsibility to balance the needs and expectations of their students (and their families). I have volunteered in my kids' schools enough to know that teachers rarely leave their work at 'the office' especially at this time of year. Most teachers spend countless added hours making holiday treats, planning crafts, finding appropriate 'fresh' ideas for poems, songs and activities to add to our children's holiday season. The work is seemingly endless yet they do it, and they do it willingly and with a joyful heart.

These teachers, EAs and school support staff are extraordinary people. Remember that and bless them this holiday season with your appreciation and kind words.......and very nice gifts ;-)

Tattle Tale!

Today was the day that Crafty has been waiting for and I have been sort of dreading. Today was my first day as a Parent Volunteer in the new school.

I hate meeting new people, I have dozens of boxes still to unpack and it looks like a bomb went off in my craft area...and don't even get me started on the piles of laundry I've been trying to ignore all week. In short, I had loads (literally) of other things to do today but I promised Crafty that I'd be there so after lunch I hauled myself into the school office, signed in and put on my name tag. I took a deep breath and headed down the hall in search of the Grade Three classroom.

The teacher was nice and the other parent volunteer was funny. Before long I felt comfortable and was happily working away. My job was to help the kids choose a 'just right' book for home reading, record the title of the book in the log and have them put their chosen book in their backpack. Simple.

I was about halfway through the list of kids when I called Crafty to the table. She spent ten minutes pondering her book choices, rejecting my suggestions and moping about not finding 'the right just right' book. Getting impatient I told her to just pick one because we were running out of time. Her response? She just glared at me, turned on her heel and walked away.

The other parent gave a nervous chuckle, shrugged and went back to her assigned work. When I looked back to see where Crafty went I was mortified. She was at her teacher's desk and before I could even form a plan she dramatically pointed at me and announced, "She was rushing me!"

Suddenly 26 sets of tiny eyes were on me, accusing me, condemning me. I hung my head in shame and returned to my volunteer corner. When Crafty brought her book to me five minutes later (it was one I suggested in the first 30 seconds of looking) I wrote down the title of the book, handed it back to her and whispered to her, "Watch your back, kid. Its on!"

She just smirked and walked away.

The Last Laugh

For the last couple of weeks Mr. Awesome has been randomly humming "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" which can only mean one thing...its back to school time. Yay!

We have survived another summer of mosquitoes, scorching temperatures and the never ending whine of "What are we doing today?" Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and we had some truly awesome times this summer but at this point in August boarding school really doesn't sound that extreme.

Ever since Dude started school (and I started school supply shopping) I have had a firm belief that teachers are sadistic beings. Maybe its their way of getting revenge for ten months of non stop kiddie chatter, snotty noses and excuses for lost homework but I think that most teachers intentionally include items on the school supply list that don't exist.

This opinion was challenged this year when I discovered that I didn't need to buy Crafty and Mischief school supplies - their teachers are buying them bulk thus reducing my back to school hunt by two thirds.

Knowing that I only had one kid to shop for I thought this year's hunt was going to be a piece of cake (store bought, not homemade...we all know where my home baking skills are at right now). A quick stop at Walmart and the list would be taken care of, right?

Wrong! There is no such thing as a metric only ruler, 10 tabbed page dividers or reinforcements just to name a few of the make-believe items on the list. I know some of these things existed when I was in school but they don't exist now. I don't know. Maybe the computer age has done away with the need to divide your binder or reinforce loose leaf.

I was about ready to concede and send Dude off to school with a standard ruler with the inches crossed out and a roll of scotch tape to solve his loose leaf dilemmas when I walked into Staples. It was like magic. There, in bins in the middle of the aisle were hundreds of metric only rulers and reinforcements.

So take that, teachers. I found everything on the list and you still have my kids for seven hours a day. Who's laughing now!