... and I'm not talking about Mr. Awesome.
I have never been the picture of health and wellness. I have been overweight my whole adult life and I've never been able to stick to a diet and exercise routine. I am not very proactive when it comes to my health, neither am I a very good advocate for my own needs but there is something I have always done, one thing that I did religiously for my own health and peace of mind; monthly self breast exams.
Each month, the week before my period I give The Girls a good once over. I figure its the least that I can do for myself. It only takes a couple of minutes and I am laying down in bed anyway so why not. I have been doing this every month for at least ten years and I have never found anything suspicious ... until April.
In April I found a small, marble sized bump in my right breast. From April to June, when I saw my doctor, it had grown to the size of a golf ball. By July, when I had a mammogram, it was changing the shape and size of my Girl. In October when I went for an ultrasound the lump was the size of a lemon and very painful. In fact, it had been painful all along and that coupled with the rate of growth had the doctors convinced that it was a cyst.
The day of my ultrasound, Mr. Awesome dropped me off at the clinic and took the kids to the park. It was just an ultrasound to confirm that my painful lump was, in fact, a cyst. So as I was laying there on the table, defective boob hanging out, being examined by two doctors and a nurse I was shocked when they declared my cyst a non-cyst and I was panicked when they said the word 'biopsy' and jabbed a huge needle into my poor Girl.
A week later I got the call. My non-cyst is breast cancer. I have breast cancer. But I also have Hope and Hope is much bigger, stronger and ferocious than cancer.
I have an appointment with a surgeon and there will be plans made and treatments outlined but nothing is more important than Hope and Confidence. My faith is a part of who I am, it weaves its way through my life, holding things together, holding me together. I know my God. I know He sees me, has an awesome plan for me that I am not even close to completing. He gave me an incredible husband, three magnificent kids and a lifetime of love to give. I am not finished.
Jesus died for my right boob ... so I don't have to!
~Some Random Mother paraphrasing Isaiah 53:5