The Worst of the Human Race

When you watch the news and see report after report about crime sprees, car chases and general lack of respect for law and order do you ever wonder what happened to these people to cause them to turn into criminals and social misfits? Weren't we all innocent children once?

Yes we were....then we turned three years old.

I sincerely believe that all the criminals, dictators, warlords and bullies of the world are the way they are because they never socially progressed past being three years old. Three year olds are the worst of the human race.

Really, look at the behavior of most three year olds then compare it to the average career criminal. The similarities are startling. They take what they want without care or concern for who it belongs to, they don't respect authority, they push the boundaries of acceptable behaviour, they go on raging rampages when things don't go as they planned, they rarely respond well to punishment and they enjoy a good chase. The only real difference is that three year olds have dimples and baby cuteness working in their favour.

Its the three-year-old's moments of angelic sweetness and random cutness that generally save them from parental abandonment. God designed it that way. He knew that the beast known as The Toddler would spend its days trying the patience of even the most sainted adult therefore God created the little creature to look like an angel when it sleeps and to spontaneously give hugs and say "I love you, Mommy" at key moments. Its like a survival instinct they have. The three-year-old knows just how far to push their adult before reigning in their behaviour and playing the 'Cute Card.'

I did not enjoy any of my children very much when they were three and frankly it is a miracle that we all survived this phase - though it was touch and go some days! When Dude was three I also became three. I often found myself engaging in arguments with him at his level...and I never won. With Crafty her Post Naps Cries and basic emotional instability nearly did me in and Mischief's blatant disregard for authority had me on the brink. More than once during those years I thought about how it was acceptable in the Old Testament to give your child to the church and wondered if it would work nowadays.

I did learn a few things along the way though. I learned that if you lock yourself in the bathroom with the fan on and the water running it almost drowns out the sound of your kid pitching a fit in his room. I learned that if you take a step back from your wailing child in a store and say loudly, "Where are this kid's parents? They should really do something about this!" people won't realise you are responsible for the little terror.

Seriously, folks the best and only advice I can give parents of three year olds is this:

Do not engage...and this too shall pass.