Trauma

I experienced a trauma the other day; as if I don't have enough going on in my life already!

Last week.

I found.

My first.

Grey hair!!!

I have friends who have been covering up their age for years while I have been blissfully dye free. I have joked with them about being SO much younger and youthful and I have pt a lot of stock in the fact that my mom went a long time before she spotted a grey (oops, I mean, she still has NO signs of grey hair whatsoever!). I felt that I would for sure make 40 before the grey caught up to me but no dice. I have one.

Last week, as I was drying my hair I thought I caught a glimmer of something that did not belong. Sure enough, upon closer examination I discovered The Intruder. One single grey hair, basking proudly among all the chestnut hairs that surrounded it. I studied it in my reflection and it stared back at me, confident, comfortable and smug in its new found home. It had staked its claim and made its home, right there, just behind my bangs. The nerve!

I was going to pull it out, I had the tweezers poised at the ready but then I stopped, looked at it again and thought about aging. When I was a kid I couldn't wait to get older. I wanted to experience life, find my independence and Become someone, Now I'm at the point where I wish time would slow down. I want more time, more years to figure stuff out, more moments to cuddle my kids, more chances to be dependant on others. I want to be young, to stay young.

At least I thought I did.

As I stood in the bathroom, facing off with That Grey Hair, I thought about my life, my journey and all that it meant. I thought about all the experiences I've had, people I've met and lessons I've learned. I thought about how all of these things have been gifts that have helped me to grow into the person I am. Because I was excluded from cliques in school I have learned the value of accepting others, just as they are. Because I have been judged by my appearance I know that true beauty and substance comes from the heart, not the waistline.

Because I have loved someone more than he loved me I have learned how much of a treasure that a partnership in love and respect can be. Because I have experienced the heart ache of losing a child I hold my kids a little tighter and love them intentionally. Because I have felt too scared, insecure and unworthy I have let opportunity pass me by; no more.

With age and time and experience I have become, and continue to become, a person I respect, like and am in awe of. I impress myself sometimes and I think I am awesome lots of the time. I love hearing that Some Random Mother of ten years ago gasp in shock and respect at the things that This Random Mother has the courage to say and do. I love who I am and the life that I have.

This one little grey hair is a symbol of that; a beacon of courage and maturity, and it can stay.

For now.

As long as it doesn't invite any friends over.


Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. ~Robert Browning