I've been sitting here, staring at this blank page for at least half an hour, trying to muster up something funny, light-hearted and inspirational but I got nothing. I am tired. I am frustrated and I wish I could just throw in the towel with this whole chemo thing.
I am halfway through my treatments, which should be a good thing but I have had a really hard time with my port. Each time I've gone for treatment we've spent more time trying to unblock my port than actually pushing the drugs. I have to bend, twist, stretch and get pumped full of what Mr. Awesome calls 'medicinal draino'.
Oh, and to top off this lovely adventure my white blood cell count is low so after spending all day at the hospital yesterday, trying to open things up for chemo, I may not actually get chemo this week! All of this has left me exhausted and exceptionally grumpy today. So grumpy, in fact that I wasn't going to blog at all; then I looked at the calendar.
The first of the month. The one day every month where I have pledged to blog with the sole purpose of reminding you, My People, to check yourself so that, hopefully, you will never have to walk this road. So here I am, writing this stinking blog.
I try to write things that are uplifting, that leave you feeling a little happier, a little more hopeful than you were before you gave me a few minutes out of your busy day. I also try to be real, honest and open about my journey as a wife, mother, woman and now Cancer-Kicking Ninja. So, I'm writing because this is real. It ain't pretty, eloquent or inspirational but it's honest and that has to count for something.
May 1 also marks six months since I found out that my non-cyst was actually cancer. I have been fighting this battle for six months. Six months plus one day ago I never would have imagined that this is where life was taking me but here I am, half a year in and still alive, still fighting and still winning.
I have learned a lot about myself, my family and my friends in the past six months. I have learned that I am a heck of a lot stronger than I thought, that my family loves me more than I could have ever imagined and that I have more friends that I ever dreamed of. I have also learned that days like today have come to pass. They have come to pass not come to stay but they have come and just as quickly they will go again. Thank God!
Thanks for hanging with me today, for loving me through my whining and for being here when this has passed. You (yes you!) are an inspiration and constant source of strength for me. Thanks for being My People!
Now, go have a coffeejuice and we'll meet up again tomorrow ... when this has passed!
If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill