Lovelies, are you still out there?
I've thought about blogging many times over the last few months but I just couldn't. There was so much to say that I couldn't say anything. So much to think about that my mind was blank. So much to feel that I was numb.
Since his death we have all been moving through life, lop-sided and fragile. We have lived and breathed, laughed and cried, celebrated and mourned but all in a kind of daze. Grief is like a weighted, too-small blanket. You struggle against it, try to stretch it to cover you, hide you from the world but in the end you are left lugging it around. It only covers parts of you, the most fragile and broken bits. The rest of you is left raw and exposed. You try to act 'normal', you try to live as you once did but nothing feels right. Nothing is right. It is wrong to love someone so much and miss them so much.
It's just wrong.
Yet there is life. And legacy.
This is his legacy.
Dad is deeply missed with every second of every day. we wear our grief but we are also his legacy. We are walking, talking proof of the strength of his life. We are all he dreamed of in life, all that really mattered to him. So we live on. We live - well. Just as he taught us.
Just as he did.
We are his legacy.