I Fight Like a Girl, So There!

It's that time of the month again ... time to Check Yourself!

The last couple of weeks have been kind of hectic; I had treatment, the kids had a curling bonspiel which the grandparents came to town for (and Dude and Mischief's team won second place!) and then we packed up the van to spend the better part of Spring Break week at my parents' place.

My treatment week turned out to be a pretty frustrating week. My port was blocked and after spending five hours at the hospital clearing it I went home with the plan to return to CancerCare the next day for my treatment. When I arrived the next morning, my port was blocked again. I had a mini melt down while the medical staff discussed the options (reinserting the port - meaning another surgery -  or installing a pic line - ewww! ). Sometimes going through Chemo really bites.

They finally got my port flowing, after another round of what Mr. Awesome called 'medical draino', and I had chemo. By the time my treatment was done and I got home I was physically and emotionally spent so I put on my favourite post-chemo DVD and crawled in to bed. My doctor and I had decided to decrease my anti-nausea meds so I wouldn't be as stoned but that evening I ended up taking a hefty dose anyway because I was feeling rough. I made it through the night and by the next morning I was feeling much better.

 That evening my family showed up and then curling and Sunday school and play dates and drum practice and BBQ shopping and meal making and, and, and ... The weekend was fun but busy and in the midst of all the regular life mom stuff I have been trying to cope with the side effects from chemo.

On Sunday night, when I crawled into bed, happy but exhausted, I thought about my life; the family, the friends, the Autism, the volunteering, the writing, the mothering, the wifing, the writing, the cancer. I thought about all of it and how lucky I am to have so many people of my side, pitching in and helping out. I would be hooped without the support and encouragement from My People.

That being said, I still feel alone sometimes. Sometimes when I am having a hot flash followed by an intense wave of nausea, sometimes when I am in the shower and my hair is running down my face, sometimes when I am desperately tying to cover up the taste of metal in my mouth, sometimes when I look in the mirror and see how this cancer has changed me forever; sometimes I feel like this is my fight alone.

In those moments, I close my eyes, square my shoulders and picture myself literally kicking cancer's ass and then I hear it. Coming from all around me and inside me, I hear it. It is in the distance at first but the more I fight the louder it gets. Its shouting, yelling, cheering. Its the roar of applause. It's My People, in my corner, right there with me, every punch of the way.

Most mornings, as I do my make up and tie on my scarf, I think of My People. I think of myself, preparing for battle and My Legions doing the same. I think of all of the other Warrior Women who have fought this battle and I glean strength from them. I fill my heart with all the good wishes and healing prayers and I know that I am not alone.

About a month ago I stumbled across I website that I now visit often. Anytime I need I pick-me-up, a reminder or an inspiration I click on over to I Fight Like a Girl and read about my fellow warriors and the triumphs they've had. I look at their pictures and see hope, strength and determination in their faces. I learn from their experiences and am inspired by their take-no-prisoners approach to beating cancer and living life. They are My People, also.

This month, as you Check Yourself, think of Your People. Who in your world gives you strength, inspiration and hope? Think of them and thank them.

Thank you!

We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival. ~Winston Churchill